Examinees at their inventive best

AS a teacher of Urdu and Persian, I get answer scripts of students for evaluation and awarding of grades. In every set, there are at least five or six students who come up with hilarious excuses for their below-par performance. The most common one goes like this: “Janaab/Janaaba, Nihayat ghareeb taalib-e-ilm hoon. Badi mushkil se zindagi basar hoti hai. Naukri kar ke padhai karta/karti hoon. Waqt nahin mila, isliye padhai nahin ho payee. Khuda ke liye fail mat keejiye. Zindagi tabaah ho jayegi...” (Sir/Ma’am, I’m a very poor student. Since I am also doing a job, I didn’t get much time to study. For heaven’s sake, please don’t fail me).

This has been a stock excuse for years, and I know that the examinee is lying. I do make it a point never to fail a student. But then there are some very weak students who just don’t write anything worthwhile in their answer sheets. Instead, they fill them with excuses and even film songs and stories!

I have even seen currency notes inserted inside answer scripts as a means to bribe the examiner. Since various boards and universities in India have warned students not to slip in notes or else they will be rusticated, they make innovative excuses to get marks and win over the examiners whom they have never seen or met.

Recently, while checking answer scripts, I stumbled upon an excuse, obviously from a girl. She wrote, “Imtihan se theek pahle mujhe yarqaan hua aur maheene bhar pahle abba bhi guzar gaye. Iss soorat mein meri padhai nahin ho payee. Jald hi meri shadi hai. Fail hui toh ladka mujhe qubool nahin karega” (I had jaundice just before the exams. My father passed away a month ago. So, I couldn’t study. Moreover, I’m getting married. If I fail, the boy will reject me). This was hard to digest, but I tried to be sympathetic, even though the girl’s answers were incorrect and riddled with orthographic errors.

Another student wrote that she would take her life if she didn’t get pass marks. This seemed to be an empty threat, but I tried my level best to save her!

In my long career, I’ve come across exceptionally good answer scripts as well as awful ones. Even good students make requests at times. Years ago, one of them wrote, “Mujhe yaqeen hai ki maine bahut achha likha hai, lekin mujhe 80 feesdi chahiye kyonki aage mujhe mudarris-e-Urdu ban-na hai” (I know I’ve done pretty well but I need at least 80 per cent marks as I want to become an Urdu teacher). I was bowled over by his performance as well as confidence. I awarded him 85 marks out of 100. How could I be stingy and strict with someone who wanted to serve the Urdu language?