Let’s not treat kids like puppets

A friend once paid me a visit shortly after the birth of my daughter. She arrived with her husband and twin sons, who were three years old.

My mother-in-law warmly welcomed them with tea, biscuits, namkeen and dried fruit. In middle-class families like ours, serving dried fruit is regarded as a gesture reserved for special occasions rather than everyday hospitality. The children were delighted by the rare treat, and with innocent excitement, they began eating them enthusiastically, grabbing handfuls at a time.

As a new mother, I felt a bit uncomfortable on my friend’s behalf in front of my in-laws. I got worried that my friend might feel awkward and be judged because of her children’s behaviour. Typically, in such situations, parents scold the children or ask them to behave. But what happened next surprised me and taught me something profound.

Instead of scolding her sons, she quietly picked up the box of dried fruit from the table and carried them into the kitchen with calm composure. Then, turning politely to my mother-in-law, she said, “Aunty ji, please keep these here in the kitchen. The boys are eating too much, and I’m worried they might fall sick. They don’t usually get to eat these regularly, so they are just a little overexcited.”

I was deeply touched by her controlled reaction. She had balanced kindness, responsibility and empathy — without shame, without reprimand. Her response was not just about managing a situation. It revealed a deep understanding of childhood and parenting.

Until then, I had a fixed notion of how my own child should behave in front of others. I often felt a sense of pressure to ensure that she acted ‘properly’ — as though her behaviour were a direct reflection of my parenting. But that experience with my friend changed something inside me. Her wisdom and patience taught me a lesson I will carry for life. She reminded me of something so fundamental, yet so often forgotten: this is how children are. They are not puppets to be controlled at every turn. Let them be loud, curious and imperfect. Let them be free — let them make mistakes. Let us not scold them for every little mistake.

Childhood is meant to be messy, exuberant and unfiltered. It should be seen with compassion, not judgment. Rather than constantly correcting children, let us allow them the freedom to be themselves — until they are ready to learn, understand and imbibe those manners we value so much.

We should let them be until they are old enough to understand social expectations. Let’s remember that it is not the children who must always adapt to us. Sometimes, it is we who must adapt to them and create a space that nurtures their growth.