Being in and out of team was frustrating, but I stayed focused: Amit Mishra

Amit Mishra's start-stop international career had two distinct phases.

First was spent dealing with the immense pressure of expectations that came with replacing the legendary Anil Kumble.

The second part was about dealing with the competition that came with the emergence of Ravichandran Ashwin and Ravindra Jadeja -- one an off-spinner and other a left-arm slow orthodox, who suited Mahendra Singh Dhoni and Virat Kohli's plans to the T.

The grammar of Test match batting had changed by then and hence Mishra's 76 wickets in 22 Tests won't be a fair assessment of his skills as a bowler, who had a sharp leg-break and an enticing googly but became the sparsely used third option behind Ashwin-Jadeja.

"It was a very disappointing thing. Sometimes you're in the team, sometimes you're out. Sometimes you get a chance in the playing eleven, sometimes you don't. Of course, it's frustrating, and I was frustrated many times, no doubt," Mishra told PTI Videos in an exclusive interview after announcing his retirement from competitive cricket.

"But then you remember that your dream is to play cricket for India. You are with the national team, and millions of people are working so hard just to be there. You are one of the 15 players in the Indian team. So, I tried to stay positive," he added.

Despite his evident talent, Mishra admitted that being in and out of the Indian team was mentally tough.

"Whenever I was frustrated, I thought about what I could improve on. Whether it was my fitness, batting or bowling, I always focused on getting better. Whenever I got a chance to play for the Indian team, I performed well, and I'm very happy about that. I never shied away from hard work," he added.

Mishra was always good but someone else would always show up brilliant -- like Ashwin and Jadeja in red-ball cricket.

Ironical as it might seem, the last international match for Mishra was a T20I against England in Bengaluru in 2017 where he took 1/23 in four overs at the Chinnaswamy Stadium which is a batting paradise. If looked at in isolation, these are brilliant figures.

But in the same match, another leg-spinner Yuzvendra Chahal took 6 for 25. Mishra never played for India after that even in T20Is despite being an IPL legend -- 174 wickets in 162 games, including a hat-trick in the first edition in 2008.

Mishra credits the IPL for his Test comeback because suddenly performances got noticed.

"I'd say the defining moment was the hat-trick I took in the 2008 IPL, where I also took five wickets in the match. From there, I made a comeback to the Indian team. Before that, I was consistently performing well in domestic cricket, taking 35-45 wickets every season, but I couldn't get back into the national team.

"That IPL hat-trick changed things for me. I had also performed well in the Syed Mushtaq Ali trophy the preceding year taking 25 wickets, which helped me get an IPL contract (Delhi Daredevils).

"After that hat-trick, I was back in the Indian team continuously and my career in T-20 also started. So, that hat-trick with five wickets in 2008 will be the defining moment of my life," he said.

Mishra put forth his perspective about various captains having their preferred choice of bowlers and also that there was nothing wrong in it.

"Some players are captain's favourites. But that doesn't matter much. You just have to prove yourself whenever you get a chance. As I said, these things don't matter. Sometimes a player who performs better than you is liked more, but when you start performing, it all changes."  He always found bowling to Indian batters more challenging than to overseas players in the IPL.

"Whenever I took the wicket of a well-known Indian player, I felt proud. Someone like Virender Sehwag, Rohit Sharma, Yuvraj Singh, Gautam Gambhir or Virat Kohli, they are the kind of players who can change the game at any moment.

"You can trouble a foreign player with your skill, but with these guys, you know them in and out. When you get one of their wickets, you get a different, very positive feeling. I would say all Indian batsmen are difficult for a spinner to bowl against."

While taking a trip down memory lane, he remembered how skipper Anil Kumble informed him prior to the Mohali Test against Australia in 2008 about his debut.

"Anil bhai told me in the morning of the match that he was injured. I played that match against Australia and took five wickets, which was a huge moment for me. It was a big thing to fill the shoes of Anil Kumble. There was pressure and I am glad that I won Player of the Match on debut."

Despite the rollercoaster ride, Mishra said he is bidding adieu without regrets.

"I've played cricket for 25 years across three decades with legends like Sachin Tendulkar, under leaders like MS Dhoni, and with current stars like Rohit Sharma. Now that I'm slowly stepping away, it's emotional, of course. Cricket gave me everything -- respect, identity, and purpose."

He knows where he stands and is practical about moving away from the game quietly.

"Not everyone gets a grand farewell or big press conference, and that's okay. What matters to me is that I gave everything I had. I played with heart. I performed whenever I got the opportunity.

"And I've earned the love of fans and the respect of my peers -- that's my biggest achievement."