Maggi-num Opus

FOR  the services provided by Maggi to generations over decades, I wonder why a grateful nation never considered a serious academic debate — like a critical assessment of its nationalistic influence on the lives of ordinary hungry Indians? Or the 24/7 egalitarianism of two-minute noodles that transcended class, culture, age, regional, religious and geographical barriers?

Advertisement

Can’t say political barriers — do you have any idea whether they served Maggi in Parliament’s canteen? A subsidy on a 10-12 rupee product would mean an almost free meal. A free meal, my fellow Indians, our MPs cannot have. So, sorry, no political barriers were crossed.

I doubt if the Maoists had ever asked for a ban on it, or the CPM and Mamatadi, or the RSS? And yet, when a ban on Maggi did come, it took two minutes to lose trust, and interest. I thought bans encouraged clandestine sales, increased demand — nothing of the sort here, you just lost it.

Brings me to the next question. When was Maggi about being healthy or unhealthy? It served a rather basic and rudimentary purpose: nourishing the stomach pangs, and instantly.

Another serious topic: what if our country’s best minds, while gorging on Maggi, had expended their energies on developing a healthy, energy-rich clone? Our poverty numbers would have drastically come down, our fuel imports plummeted. That is an indigenous weapon that awaits germination. Of all the “scientists”, Baba Ramdev’s realised that!

Seriously, Maggi, it’s morning, I’m hungry, I don’t have the energy to even think of cooking. And I’m skipping breakfast again for brunch. I miss you. You erred, big deal. Shed your ego. Which country do you think you’re living in? Look around. No one feels small for big mistakes.

No one even hides MSG — couldn’t you have made a mistake with a less difficult name for an ingredient? Monosodium glutamate. It’s a mouthful, and I’m hungry.

And that is exactly why I’ll take your case, expose the hypocrisy of our food regime and regulators. But before that, just for my satisfaction: we led you on Maggi, for decades, why did you forget the lead content? There’s Swedish blood flowing in parent Nestle’s veins, and yet you adopt Indian ways.

On account of you, daddy has reported the first loss (Rs 64.4 crore) in 17 years. Get inspiration from the colas. At least pesticides is not your problem. 

As I firm up Maggi’s defence, I come across facts that should not be ignored. Lead has been used for centuries in food containers for bright colours and smooth and transparent glaze.

Our lipsticks contain lead too. The “poison kiss” we don has nine toxic heavy metals, including chromium, cadmium, manganese and aluminium. Don’t get ideas now!

The chaat paapri and golgappas you ate yesterday at the roadside, did you ask about the mineral wealth and nutritional value or the results of the clinical tests of the ingredients?

How could lead have made its way into the Maggi packets? The water? Lead contamination of surface and ground water is not new to India. It can reach our water sources and atmosphere by unscientific dumping as well. With all due respect to the believers, thousands of Ganesha idols, with lead-containing paints, are dumped into water bodies every year. Insecticides, pesticides are part of the food chain. Which vegetable or fruit is tested for contamination? We buy them without batting an eyelid.

The verdict on Maggi was harsh, true, but it was not undeserving. Its hold on the public food consciousness was like no other. It needed to be more conscientious, more stringent and particular with standards. It let us down.

Shouldn’t that be the norm for every food item? Considering the dangerous levels that our environment has plunged into, every edible product needs to be covered. The poor vigilance of food safety establishments, the abysmal facilities at testing labs — if Maggi is being made to pay for its mistake, the State must get its act together too. 

Being a foodie, I want to relish more than a condiment. But, I want it to be healthy, safe and as a certain Colonel Slade so effervescently pointed out in Scent of a Woman, an “agreeable meal”.

Maggi, you’re still the one for me. Clean up your act, get back on the shelf. Since you are at it, add some bit of a healthy potion too. I’m waiting, and I’m hungry. 

In passing, here’s this too:

Maggi, I miss you!

I never ditched you!

They said you are unsafe

I still did not give in to haste

I refused to throw the packet

I waited for the end of racket

Then came the ban

It’s been long, the span

I had to change

Try out the available range

Why did you not change?

Such disdain?

vermadeepti7@gmail.com