As the bindi fades away…

Divya Dutta

She was the most fashionable one in the family. She was the one with Sharmila Tagore-type bouffant and kohl in her eyes and a big bindi to match. I used to be fascinated with her high heels and wonder how anyone could walk so tall!

She, the youngest of my buas, loved to enjoy life. She was the one among my other two elder buas, who was in charge of all my outdoor activities when I lived with them in Delhi for three years. She was the one I went out shopping with. She was my golgappa and chaat partner. She was the one who introduced me to all the new restaurants that opened in New Delhi. 

I always wondered why she never got married. She had that zest and desire to raise a family life. Then why didn’t she? Was it family responsibilities? I always got a smile from her in place of a reply.

Years later, she was the one who introduced me to this movie Shirdi ke Sai Baba and I became an ardent bhakt of Baba. With her, I used to visit the famous temple every time I was in Delhi.

She loved meeting people. She loved coming to my shoots when I was in Delhi and would be with me all day... laughing chatting with random people , making them feel happy while I was busy shooting.

Years later, after her retirement, I saw a different her. Her outings had reduced, thanks to the responsibility of looking after her elder sisters. She was mostly home but in a childlike way she would tell me, come let me take you for some papdi chaat. That way she would get to get out of home.

She, with that twinkle in her eyes, lies still in the ICU. Her fate unknown to doctors. I visited her and saw her unconscious, yet peaceful. The last I had spoken to her was on the phone, taking her famous aam ka chutney recipe and she had said, “Why you want the recipe, I am there na. I’ll make whenever you need.”

I wonder now why I took it from her. Was it intuition?

I held her arm in the ICU. Just like I had held ma’s. I was reliving it again. That worst experience of my life. This time it was her, Shashi aunty. The doctors said they could only hope and try. But her face says she’s peaceful.

Life probably wasn’t too fair to her. She could probably never voice her dreams and desires. She silently did what she was expected to do. Those few sneaked out moments made her happy just like a child. And that was her life. The one with the bouffant and the bindi. The one wanting to explore a new food joint. She is all set to explore another world... too soon though. Thanks for some awesome childhood memories Shashi aunty...

(Dutta is a Bollywood actress)