Don’t complicate love
Divya Dutta
Love is in the air. Valentine’s Day is approaching. I am told by a leading channel to read out a few love letters sent by readers and audience. To celebrate love! Love, I feel, is the simplest and the most complicated.
We all put our best foot forward when we are getting to know someone. What tests a relationship though is when you get to know the other really well, with his or her faults and weaknesses too, and accept and love them for who they are and not what you want them to be.
I have been observing couples. I see why they fight, why they keep a watch on each other. That’s because their basic needs are not being fulfilled and also they are not even being understood. It takes a little effort to soothe your partner’s soul.
I was in London at my cousin’s place. My brother-in-law had come to pick me and we had gotten delayed. My worried cousin called, a little tense, as the husband was late to pick up the kids. As she was on the speaker phone, I could hear her calm down the moment she heard her husband’s reassuring voice. He told her, “Don’t be tense baby, I have fetched your sister and I’ll fetch your kids now, safe and sound”. She eased out immediately, and smiled. Cause she hadn’t even said what was bothering her and yet, she was heard.
The most important thing in a relationship is to be heard and understood and if the partner cares, he will make sure what is bothering you is sorted out. That itself makes you feel secure.
On the contrary when I see couples trying to reach out to each other, blaming each other for not understanding, they are both oblivious to each other’s basic needs. They only talk, they don’t hear the other. And the distance increases and it keeps getting complicated.
If there is love that is genuine, then you effortlessly know what brings a smile and peace to your partner and you do it, not just for them but for yourself because it makes you happy to see them happy. But yes, no one’s love should be taken for granted. Sometimes we feel, this person is not going anywhere and we ignore them. But it’s very important to keep that person precious, and there will never be a complication. Because there will be trust. And no insecurities.
Love is simple until we complicate it, bringing in egos. The best mantra for love is great communication and just being there for the other. It keeps the basic foundation strong.
I have seen and learnt from my relationships too. I remember in college when friends asked what kind of guy I was looking for, it would be a typical Mills and Boon kind tall dark and handsome guy. With years and experience as I grew up, the description kept changing to mature, understanding etc.
I just realised for love there is no description. You just hit it off. That person might be the most unlikely one on your list, but may be it’s him who makes you happy. Yes, it is only about how he or she makes you feel. How good you feel about yourself being with that special one. That is all that matters.
So, wishing you all a very happy Valentine’s Day, and great happy loving and nurtured partnerships.
As I am getting ready to read the letters, the Michael Jackson song plays in my head, The Way You Make Me Feel! He could not have said it better.
(Dutta is a Bollywood actress)
