Make a sincere effort

Abha Chaudhary

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In the age of AI (Artificial Intelligence), it’s all the more imperative that we practise good conversational etiquette to make every social and professional interaction as human as possible. 

Keep it graceful

Conversational etiquette means mastering the art of acknowledgement, approval, appreciation and attention. That’s all we actually need. When someone says something that triggers anxiety, understanding goes out of the window. Not acknowledging what the other person says can turn a discussion into a conversational ping-pong. Reactive emotionalism is one reason we do not listen. “I can see this is really upsetting you”—these words if practised can diffuse emotional reactivity. 

A series of attacks and counter-attacks can be hurtful and provocative. Regardless of what others say, your aim should be to keep the social interaction as graceful and sincere as it can be. Accept criticism with dignity and assertiveness. Do not be so thin-skinned so as to fly off the handle at the slightest sign of criticism. We are all insecure to some extent, therefore we tend to be defensive and reactive rather than be open to the other person’s view. In fact, be receptive to let him tell you more.  

Stop and think

Etiquette allows you the mindfulness of pausing briefly before you instantly want to judge a person for an emotional expression. It allows you to ask yourself, ‘Where does it come from? Why is the person behaving as she is?’ This quick introspection makes you a good listener, which is the essence of conversational etiquette. We do not listen because our thoughts are clouded by a prejudice or a response that we must give to a statement from the cohort. Etiquette does not mean that I must always speak, I can participate in a conversation by just being an attentive listener. 

The golden rule

Having said that we might argue that my listening also to a certain extent depends on the speaker. True! Conversational etiquette follows a simple but golden rule –Speak in a way that people want to listen to you and listen in a way that people want to talk to you. One cannot be interesting without being interested. If I want people to listen to me, then I must make my conversation marked by these  7Cs- Clear, Complete, Correct, Concrete, Considerate, Courteous and Concise. Avoid blaming and accusation statements starting with ‘You always’. Don’t be surprised if the other person gets defensive. You probably know how it feels to be berated in an angry assaulted way. Always think ‘is this reaction really required? 

Words count

Conversations can be pleasant, purposeful and engaging only once you are guided by consideration of how your words impact the other person. The fact that we don’t even realise we are hurtful is because it’s just an overly internalised habit of speaking in a particular way. Habits have a great gravitational pull. I might feel sorry later but at that point of time I might not be conscious of it. So, all we need to do is practise these habits. If we could learn the wrong way we could also unlearn it and learn a more socially approved way of conversing and that is friendly and polite, yet firm. (Chaudhary is a Chandigarh-based image and style consultant)