Rubbing people the wrong way with phubbing

‘I finally realised that people are prisoners of their phones: that is why they are called cell phones.’

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As this wittily apt remark landed on my WhatsApp chat thread the other day, I smiled to myself, picturing people sitting around with their noses buried into the phones. In fact, it’s not uncommon to find their noses busily scanning phone screens even while they are walking…or lying…or watching a movie…or, are in the gurdwara…or, …just about anywhere.

They will be nonchalantly not interested in the happenings and people around them.

But right now in Puducherry on a holiday, I decided that I would not succumb to the pings and rings of my iPhone every time. I am enjoying the place and its sights and sea and sumptuousness sans technology distractions.

Normally, so often, still bleary-eyed, the first thing I do in the morning is to fish the phone out and check it for the latest messages and mails. Of course, it was also the last thing I did the night before, and sometimes later too if I happened to wake up midnight. Nothing out of the blue, most people are guilty of such behaviour some time or the other.

You will not look up your friends and family so much.

A phone seems to have become an extension of one’s hands. If without it for a few minutes, one’s fingers itch to feel it. Remember that ‘empty’ feeling when you last forgot your phone at home, dangling with the charger? And you lurching towards it the moment you reached home? The day had seemed inordinately long to me when I forgot the phone home. I had acted cool, pretending to feel ‘light and free’, while all the time I felt the burden of ‘missed calls and important messages.’ And when I lost my mobile set, I felt as if I had been robbed of a treasure. All contact numbers gone. Why did I put off saving them online? Precious pictures lost forever! 

It seemed alien to just enjoy the day, the people around me. I failed to see the humour in this joke that a friend recalled from the social media:

“I left the phone at home today. Is the sky always blue like that?”

Once on a holiday in Spain, on the last leg of the trip, my friend realised that she had left her smartphone on the table in the restaurant the moment we stepped out. Hassled, because we had been constantly warned of thefts all along, we quickly retraced our steps to the spot, only to find a clean table and all faces feigning innocence. All memories of the jaunt irretrievably gone, she lamented!

Luckily, one gets over such ‘losses’ soon. After all, you have lived the moment and the experience stays. I shared my pictures with her. It’s just a thing. And, many of us have lived, and lived well, through those days when even landline telephones were a rarity. 

The millennials (persons reaching young adulthood in the early 21st century) cannot imagine the life that the ‘oldies’ of the pre-Internet era keep getting nostalgic about. Bum! How boring!

So, why has the cell phone become so important? Because the little gadget has taken up the job of so many things: desktop, laptop, ipad, camera, scanner, television, video camera and player, easel, and music and cookery classes, games and, of course, the telephone. And, oh! …The watch, the alarm, the wall calendar, the calculator, mail, typewriter, notepad, books, magazines, newspapers, library, maps, gps, shopping….And I’m sure many more activities on a to-each-his-own-need basis. 

You just need to have the charger and wifi. 

People can go on with their lives. The phone is a must.  

In fact, the handy device has also managed to make people redundant. It’s your friend, philosopher and guide. As long as you are live online, live people around you are relegated to redundancy or nothingness. Well, almost so! The company of ‘online’ friends seems to be more appealing than the company of people around you. There must be hardly any person who has not felt this way when out with people. So often, I’ve had to repeat my point during a conversation with the other person because suddenly, midway, I realise that that person’s attention has been diverted to something on the phone, triggered by a ping or a vibration. It’s so insulting. It’s rubbing people the wrong way. When we rub someone up the wrong way, we annoy, anger or irritate them. When people rub us up the wrong way, they usually do not know they are doing something wrong. It’s snubbing people with the phone.

And this phone-snubbing has led to a new portmanteau word: phubbing

Phubbing refers to a person interacting with the phone (or other device) rather than interacting with a human being. The activity of being impolite in a social situation by concentrating on your phone instead of paying attention to the person you are with is phubbing.

But once in a while, we need a phone detox. Leaving your phone at home gets you in touch with your mind, body and spirit — something we can all benefit from.

hkhetal@gmail.com