Mathurs and their wedding rules, in black and white

Vandana Aggarwal 

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Ostentatious weddings have been part of Indian culture since time immemorial. Every now and then, a big, fat wedding comes around that leaves us astounded. Almost immediately, we hear voices disapproving the splurge and flamboyance, only to gradually trail off. However, more than 150 years back, the Mathur community did not stop at merely voicing its concern over extravagant weddings; the community laid down specific guidelines to keep their weddings small, simple and inexpensive. The Zawabat-e-Shadi, a detailed compilation of the wedding rules and procedures, is a unique and possibly the oldest document of its kind, formulated way back in 1866.

Krishna Murari, 88, a well-respected member of the community, who is now settled in Singapore, has researched and written extensively about the Mathurs. He grew up in Aligarh (UP), his native place, listening stories about the straitened circumstances of the Mathurs from his grandfather Rai Bahadur Babu Sohan Lal ji (1870-1951), who was a practising lawyer at Aligarh, and from other elderly members of the community.

After the failure of the mutiny in 1857, the Mathur community found itself in dire straits. The Mathurs, who are a sub caste of the Kayastha community, are unique in that they do not fall within the parameters of the four Hindu castes. This erudite, progressive and literate community has historically been cast in the role of administrators, advisors and record-keepers. With the collapse of the Mughal empire, many of them lost their jobs and jagirs, and found it extremely difficult to marry off their children in the lavish manner they were used to. There was an urgent need to curtail wedding expenses. It was necessary to have the entire biradari on board, as weddings were a community event. The Mathur Community Committee was thus formed at Aligarh following the efforts of prominent city lawyer Babu Hargobind Sahai ji.

What does the book say

The booklet laid down four categories of Mathur weddings, specifying the maximum permissible amounts to be spent on various ceremonies, to the smallest detail with the intention of restricting expenditure and undue expectations from either side. The number of guests was limited as was the exchange of gifts. It was suggested that redundant ceremonies be removed and others performed in a simple manner. Most importantly, it stated that “honour and self-respect of both boy's and girl's families is equal”.

Book is born 

Murari has in his possession a fragile and what is possibly the only surviving, original copy of the Zawabat-e-Shadi. He explains that the booklet lists three main criteria that were prerequisite for the success of this committee. First, every member of the biradari, irrespective of their social or economic status, would be considered equal. Second, any decision taken by the committee would be binding for all members of the community. And lastly, a genuine effort would be made to cut down on unnecessary ceremonies and restrict wasteful spending on weddings.

Nearly 100 Mathurs attended the first meeting, which was convened on September 7, 1865. One can only imagine the discussions that must have taken place. For a community that had been hitherto quite wealthy and lived by the belief that maintaining self-respect at any cost was important, it must have been a painful decision to make. The attendees got down to the job of discussing, formulating, deleting and modifying what were considered to be unnecessary wedding rituals and expenses.

The draft minutes of the meeting were circulated to the Mathur communities in the districts of Agra, Bareilly, Meerut and other places in the region. Feedback was collected and discussed at length. It was a marathon exercise that took a mindboggling 16 years to complete.

Finally, at a second meeting held on December 2, 1881, in the presence of nearly 200 community members, the rules were approved and published in the form of a 46 page booklet called Zawabat-e-Shadi. It was unanimously accepted by the senior members of the community as a document that would be binding on all Mathurs in the region. Written in Persianised Urdu, the booklet also contains the names of the participants who came to attend the conference from places like Amroha, Saharanpur, Delhi and even Ferozpur and endorsed its contents. It was distributed free of charge to the biradari members and anyone else who wanted it. The rules, it was announced, would be applicable from April 8, 1883.

The booklet laid down four categories of the Mathur weddings, specifying the maximum permissible amounts to be spent on various ceremonies, to the smallest detail with the intention of restricting expenditure and undue expectations from either side. The number of guests was limited as was the exchange of gifts. It was suggested that redundant ceremonies be removed and others performed in a simple manner. Most importantly, it stated that “honour and self-respect of both boy's and girl's families is equal.”

Among other things, the committee came down heavily on the emerging trend of ‘viewing girls’, causing unnecessary stress, tension and expense to the girl's family. It was also suggested that more money than was necessary should not be wasted on wedding decorations, and the baraat should noty have more than 30 guests.

Inclusive 

To include women in the festivities, it was decided that their events be held during the daytime so that they could reach home before it was dark. The men could have wedding feasts at night but without non-vegetarian food and liquor in deference to the presence of guests from other communities. It also suggested that Mathur Welfare Trusts should be established to ensure financial help for the marriage of children belonging to the needy Mathur families.

These were very significant steps taken 150 years back. There was also a discreet warning to members to not take the rules lightly. In this connection, a Mathur family from Delhi was under the scanner for showing off undue wealth during a wedding. Discipline was enforced with the threat of excommunication in case the rules were not adhered to. 

The Zawabat-e-Shadi was followed assiduously and held in high esteem by the Mathurs. YBL Mathur, an octogenarian, recalls his brother's wedding in 1938. It was a simple affair and Zawabat-e Shadi rules were followed. “However, as the community prospered again, things changed and people gave in to fancy weddings and elaborate ceremonies,” rues Mathur.

Almost a century after the first conference, another meeting was held at Aligarh in 1963, under the leadership of Ganeshi Lal Bilroy Sahib. A new and updated booklet, an original copy of which is also in Murari's possession, was brought out, further tweaking the rules to make them more relevant. Reforms in the Marriage Rules of the Mathur Kayastha Community was the title of the book. 

The community has come a long way from the overly simple weddings prescribed in 1881. Now, not many Mathurs are aware of the existence of the Zawabat-e-Shadi but are conscious that there is a tradition that they have to follow. Even today the Mathurs proudly state they do not give or take dowry and keep weddings simple.

The Mathur community has given dignity to weddings by performing them economically and with grace. It is a practice worth emulating.