Temper control

Losing one’s temper is not an uncommon occurence in workplace. People occasionally lose their cool even under the best of circumstances and at times it is difficult to deal with these flare ups. When people come charging at you, like a stampede of bulls and level allegations of monumental foul up with far reaching implications for organisation you will instinctively want to stand your ground and fight, or turn and flee either physically or psychologically. If you have the fight response, you may react with hostility, sarcasm or insults. With the flight responses, you may deny responsibility, support your feelings or become indecisive.

In addition to the two primate techniques, you can use the following tips to cope up with the situation.

• Meet the irate colleague privately and promptly; try to get them comfortably seated. Your goal should be to observe the three Cs — be calm, be cool and be collected. Assure the colleague of your concern without sounding defensive, state that you are also interested in fair and just solution.
• Stay clam, don’t get excited or angry. Monitor your own internal feelings so that you are cognizant of your own stress response. Ask yourself, “What’s the best thing that can happen as a result of this situation?” and what’s the worst thing that can happen?” Often the circumstances aren’t as bad as you first envisioned.
• Listen carefully and hear the person out, don’t defend yourself or prepare counterarguments. Listening carefully means being attuned to the other person’s non-verbal cues, such as posture, eye movements and gestures. Remember that attempting to explain or defend your position to an angry employee may create further resentment. Just hearing people out dissipates some of their emotional energy and is therapeutic. Acknowledge the other person’s response with “I understand” or non-intrusive response such a, “Um-hm”.
• When you hear something that you feel may be important, use door openers, such as, “Tell me more about that.” When you have a question seek clarification by saying, “ I am not sure I understand”, Can you explain that to me?” or ask the speaker to elaborate, “Can you give me an example?”
• When the initial verbal onslaught ends and non-verbal cues suggest that the grievant is more relaxed, ask questions in an interested but non-defensive manner to clarify confusing points. Repeat the complaint and the essential aspect of the situation in your own words and ensure that your understanding is correct: e.g., “You feel upset because you didn’t get the promotion and the new person got it.”

Usually, if you have listened with interest and have displayed understanding of the complaining person’s perception of the problem, the battle is half won. The climate should be such that you can explain things as you perceive them and be listened to.

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