Let’s make Raksha Bandhan a gender-inclusive celebration

Prem Chowdhry

Author & former academic, Delhi University

RAKSHA Bandhan, celebrated on the full moon day of the Hindu month of Shravana (July/August), symbolises the bond between brothers and sisters. Raksha Bandhan literally means ‘the knot of protection’ — a sister ties a rakhi on her brother’s wrist and prays for his well-being and long life; the brother gives gifts and pledges to protect her from all harm.

The term ‘Raksha Bandhan’ implies that the woman is the ‘weaker sex’ in need of support and protection of a male sibling. Consequently, the ‘bonding’ during this festival is most certainly not the bonding of equals. This inequality goes against the spirit of feminism, which believes in the equality of males and females. This factor renders the entire festival ‘sexist’.

The festival has its roots in patriarchy and perpetuates male privilege. At the core lies the values of honour and protection, which translate into moral policing or limiting the female’s mobility and freedom. She is not free to move around of her own will, not free to choose her friends or have a relationship with a man of her choice. For example, male members of her family assert their authority if her companion/partner is from a different caste or religion. This goes against the ‘honour’ of the family — an honour which must be upheld at every cost. The bonds of patriarchy are strained when the girl exercises sexual freedom by marrying in defiance of her family’s norms. Let’s not forget that a right-wing Hindu organisation’s plan for Muslim girls to tie the rakhi to Hindu boys and turn them into brothers and sisters was not a celebration of ‘sibling bonding’, but segregation and a weapon aimed at vilifying romantic love across religious lines.

A daughter is always considered paraya dhan (wealth that belongs to someone else) and is kept in parental custody for her future ‘owners’. Hence, she must be sexually ‘pure’ and even ‘innocent’ when she is handed over to her ‘rightful owner’ — her husband. Her family’s males are responsible for her ‘purity’. In this, the brother has even been given a special symbolic role via Raksha Bandhan to remember this duty towards his sister — in keeping her chastity, innocence and sexual purity intact. With such symbolism, any aspect of her ‘empowerment’ can come only with male approval and support.

With this idea of bestowing protection comes an unwarranted sense of entitlement, which also ends up serving as a breeding ground of toxic masculinity. For boys, from a young age, the ideals of conventional masculinity shape the way they look at themselves. Masculinity is introduced to boys as if it were their biological identity and not their social identity which they learn and understand through their upbringing. Phrases like ‘Mard ko dard nahi hota’ (men don’t feel pain), and ‘Ladke rote nahi hai’ (boys don’t cry) do more harm to boys than can be discerned. Every time a boy is told not to cry simply because he is a boy, he gets conditioned to disregard his emotions. Crying is considered a weakness, something a ‘real’ man mustn’t ever succumb to. It creates reluctance in him to even address his soft emotions, replacing them with aggression. Similarly, reinforcing the ‘protector’ role from a young age puts a lot of pressure on the boys and the pressure to prove their masculinity at every given chance becomes immense. This then pressurises them into aligning with the conventional ideas of society.

Women who fall in the categories of mother, sister, daughter or wife are relatively ‘safe’ as they are entitled to ‘automatic’ protection. These identities also allow the men to control/protect them. But what of the rest? It also means that except for your sister, the rest of the females who are not there in your circle of protection may well be vulnerable to your ‘non-sisterly’ suggestions or behaviour. This idea of ‘brotherly protection’ also reinforces a very common question asked during conversations about rape and sexual assault — would you rape your sister? In a way, it makes an exception for the sister, but at the same time justifies sexual assault on anyone who isn’t. By this logic, raping your sister is incorrect because the brother is supposed to be her ‘protector’ and not because sexual assault itself is wrong and an inherently barbaric way of behaving. The need is to sensitise boys instead of implanting degrading ideas in their mind, even if in indirect and unknowing ways.

And what if the sister is the elder of the two? This festival needs to be reimagined, as the elder sisters are on a different plane altogether. They are the ones who try and ‘protect’ their brother from several misadventures. Still, it is he who is considered the ‘protector’ of his sister.

The patriarchal roots of Raksha Bandhan not only assume women to be incapable of protecting themselves, but also foist the role of a protector on the brother. The solution lies not in a condescending dismissal of the entire occasion, or those who take part in it, but in our attempts to modify such traditions in a way that they keep up with the times and are more equitable and respectful to all. So, the majority of Indians need to stop pretending that they treat their boys and girls the same or equally, when most raise their children as per the privileges of their gender.

How about a festival where both brother and sister vow to protect each other forever? A two-way protection street would only strengthen sibling bonds and make the relationship healthier. Let us not dismiss and disrespect this suggestion of equality as a liberal agenda of westernised India, at variance with Indian culture, traditions and history, or view this call for improvement of a tradition as subversive.

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