My gratitude list for this year
Turning the pages of my journal for inspiration for the beginning of the New Year, I found this note to myself — Gratitude does not mean thank you, I love it, give me more. Gratitude means thank you, I love it, what can I give you in return.
I read the sentences again slowly and paused. One doesn’t always know what a string of words may signify when they appear, but recording them helps them acquire a meaning when one stumbles upon them later. I recommend the noting down of one’s random thoughts and epiphanies for this reason.
My handwritten words made me realise that before I move on to my hopes and expectations from the New Year, I want to make a list of free gifts, unexpected wins and accidental growth that brought me here. Here is my gratitude list to start the year 2023:
1A cheerful “Namaste Papa!” to my father, who calls me in the middle of his work, and puts his phone on speakerphone so he can pay attention to other things too while I am babbling on the other side. “Hello, sweet girl,” he often addresses me. What else does a daughter need?
2 A warm, soft hug for my mother, who travels to Punjab and often meets the readers of this column. She reports the encounters to me with pride, making all the self-doubt and deadline-chasing worth its while.
3 Flying kisses for friends who fill application forms for me, hand-hold me towards investment plans and call my mother when they know she needs a friend, not a daughter on the other side of the phone. Those who accompany my children to places when we can’t be there and build their faith in the adult world.
4 A deep, long bow to people who do therapeutic things without necessarily labelling them therapy. The sports coach who understands the value of conversation, laughter and art and makes sure the children huddle together peacefully and get to express their feelings. The hairdresser who adds a gentle head massage that targets frayed nerves and leaves one relaxed. The teachers who focus on strengths and share their own vulnerabilities.
5 An extra headstand for my yoga teacher for the mornings when we are up at 5 am, waiting on our yoga mats and he doesn’t turn up. Yoga is great, but an hour of being up in the morning with nothing to do is divine. And romantic. Unless we end up fighting, which is also great, because it is just like yoga. Mental yoga.
6 Crunchy treats and soft, hay-filled beds for the petite puppies in my street for dancing around my knees, even though I only feed them leftovers and chicken bones. You are a reminder that joy must get its place under the sun.
7A special shout-out to my students who groan when the assignment deadline is too close but judge me secretly when I make it easier for them. I apologise on behalf of the system that planted guilt and anxiety in your tender hearts.
8 Return gifts for guests who trigger me to clean up our home. Even more presents for the ones who don’t inspire me to clean up anything. They relax me. They make me feel at home in my home.
9 Air-dropped greetings for my people who wish themselves a happy birthday on my behalf, knowing that I thought of them all month, if not every day of the whole year. I can’t do special days, it’s the smallest things that are most precious to me.
10 I raise my tea cup to my husband for making the best chai in the world, for obsessing about dishes and bedcovers and getting all the broken lights and leaks repaired. I’ll book your tickets and file insurance claims for you right after I have filed this column, I promise.
11 Gratitude for unfulfilled needs and disappointment; you fuel my creativity without ever taking the credit. Unmet expectations can be quite useful. Sometimes, I stir them into a gravy, other times, I plant them into an earth-filled flowerpot on a sunny window sill. One can fill them up with hot air and let loose in the sky.
12 A naughty wink to all my distractions, because they make me a better person. All work and no distractions make Natasha a very dull child, indeed.
13 This lucky 13 is for my readers. Happiness and cheery wishes to everyone who seeks connections. I love your feedback emails and read them out aloud to my family. Your words make everything more real and tangible.
This New Year’s column is an ode to a warm blanket on a cold day and to cool shade on a hot day. It is a reminder to us to seek renewal. To flip through the pages of a life well lived and pause to admire the glitter we may have missed. Make your own lists, share them or hide them, but do reach out in a warm embrace to the self that has always been by your side. Happy 2023, dear reader.
— The writer is a filmmaker & author natasha.badhwar@gmail.com
