My stigma, struggle & spunk

A documentary on my life has recently won the National Award. I received many messages from other transgender (TG) persons that my story has given them much courage and motivation to overcome the nirasha in their life. A film can well change the life of its maker and but the struggles for transgenders do not seem ending anytime soon. My own life has not changed much after the award, but I am happy that this will bring focus on the challenges and problems faced by the transgenders and create more awareness about the community that still faces so much stigma and harassment at the hands of society.

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Not just society, even persons in position of authority, responsible for ensuring the rights and welfare of transgender community as mandated in the Transgender Persons’ (Protection of Rights) Act 2019, are not aware about the provisions of the legislation or government schemes and benefits meant for the community.

After the Act came into place, a transgender identity card, to be issued by the District Magistrate’s office, became mandatory to be eligible for the government schemes or benefits meant for the community. None of the staff at any DM’s office was aware about the card or the process.

The documents for identity-proof to be submitted for this I-card include Aadhaar card, PAN card, passport and voter ID. And even these documents should show your revised gender. But getting these documents updated in itself is an impossible task.

My fight for acceptance and respect, particularly for a separate toilet, free education and separate hostel facilities for trangenders at Panjab University, has been a roadmap even for decision-makers at the national level as many of these things have been included in the Transgender Act 2019.

A cis-gender person may not understand the stress associated with something as basic as using a toilet but for a transgender person, it is akin to stepping into a minefield. If a TG uses a girls’ washroom, they are uncomfortable while boys’ washrooms have been scary spots for bullying, even molestations, for most transgender persons. Almost all of us in the community have more than one horror story of facing molestations in men’s washrooms.

For my own community, which is my extended family, I am a symbol of hope. I have won many awards because of my work as a social activist for the betterment of transgenders. I have represented India at international conferences in Holland, Germany, France, Italy, Greece and Thailand. All this feels hollow, as my own family, particularly my father, never accepted me.

In 2018, when Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau visited India, I was invited by the Canadian High Commission for a dinner with Trudeau and his ministers. All local papers carried this news along with my photo. My father cried at seeing it, “Maine toh beta paida kiya thaa.” His patriarchal thinking could never accept this fact that his ‘son’ became a woman, that too by choice.

The rest of the family, which includes my mother and brother’s family, are more supportive. “Uski barabari mein bhi nahi pahunch sakte,” they rebuke people when they say derogatory things. However, my relatives do not talk to me or want to have any contact with me. “Main saari duniya se jeet sakti hun, parr family se haar gayi.”

When my father died last year, I had to perform his rites as my brother had died long back. I had to dress as a man to do his last rituals. However, some of my transgender friends came to the cremation ground. On seeing them, many people, including relatives, started leaving immediately. I had to request my friends to leave so as to avoid any untoward situation at this time of grief. The same thing happened at his tehrvi. When my kinnar friends came to console me, everyone started leaving without having food.

Now that I am well known, my family faces a lot of problems because of that. My brother’s children are having trouble finding matrimonial alliances, as people think that even they are transgenders. Such is the level of ignorance in society.

It is ironic that outsiders have supported my work and honoured me for that, but not my own. Delhi University and another university from Jabalpur have honoured me but not my parent university, Panjab University, where I was the first transgender student to be enrolled in 2016.

Since then, I have been constantly fighting for the rights of transgender students. There have been minor successes but the struggle for a separate hostel continues. It is difficult to find accommodation or a paying guest (PG) facility around the PU campus or even in the city. People just slam doors in the faces of TG students.

There are personal struggles as well. Despite having two Masters’ degrees, other professional degrees and even a biopic, I still don’t have a job. Both my being from the third gender and my age may not make it possible for me to find employment.

If living my life with dignity and respect remains an inspiration for other transgenders, my situation is also a reality check that mere education doesn’t bring sustenance, acceptance or respect, a massive change in societal mindset is also needed for transgenders to ever be accepted as a regular part of society. This is the reason why many young transgenders still prefer to live in deras rather than opting for education. At least their survival is not at stake in deras despite other problems.

After a life full of struggle and activism, I hope I can achieve my dream for my community — education, employment and healthcare, both physical and mental. My own dreams are like any common person’s — to have a permanent livelihood and a home of my own where I can live with my partner.

The aspiration for sustenance may soon become a reality thanks to Ayushmann Khurrana, who is funding a double-decker food van. The Chandigarh Administration has asked me to apply for permission. However, there is no clarity from the Municipal Corporation about this project but then, hope has always been the only constant in my life that has made it bearable despite a series of traumatic events.

I also keep this hope burning for my community. I see education as the only way out. As more and more transgenders get educated, it will lead to more awareness and acceptance — that and a wistful thinking that a time may come when there is total acceptance of transgenders by society during my lifetime.

(As told to Renu Sud Sinha)