Crying clubs: Let the tears flow...

Rashi Mathur

Many believe tears are trivial and convey a negative connotation. While the tears of joy appear overwhelming, those aroused by unpleasant situations are a turn-off. We all want to be around people who spread happiness. Well, when laughter can be shared, why can’t grief or anxiety? Or, why can’t one vent out his pent-up emotions? Clearly, the age-old perception that associates tears with weakness still holds strong, forcing people to bottle up their emotions instead of letting them flow out with tears.

Nevertheless, there are people who see tears as a sign of strength, not weakness. “Crying is considered a weakness, but it is actually your strength. It’s an expression of your state of mind. When sorrow, misery and pain hover, the heart is unable to carry the weight. In that situation tears emerge as a response stimulated by anxiety,” says laughter therapist Kamlesh Masalawala.

With this belief, Masalawala started Healthy Crying Club, India’s first tear club, at Surat in 2017. On last Sunday of every month, the club conducts a session in which people (both men and women) from all walks of life gather to relieve themselves of their frustration by shedding a few tears. “Here, nobody is judgemental or critical when it comes to sharing grief. On the contrary, everyone tries to carefully listen and feel what one is going through,” shares Masalawala.

Routine stress

At times, even the responsibility to finish routine tasks of the day can lead to stress, shares Akanksha Shah, a participant. “I attended a session to relieve myself of the everyday pressures of life. Lately, managing home, along with office, was getting tough for me. I tried sharing my problem with family and friends. They suggested me to relax and give things time,” said Akanksha.

“However, I felt the urge to unburden myself. The club gave me a chance to come in contact with others who had their own share of problems. It assured me that I was not the only one trying hard to control tears. I let the tears flow and found myself in an entirely different state of mind. I realised that tears do offer rejuvenation.”

Men, too, are discovering the joy of shedding tears. “We are taught to keep up our machismo, but even we go through anxiety that often results in anger. It’s better to cry and heal ourselves than indulge in destructive activities,” says Mehul Agrawal, another club member.

Ophthalmologist and Padma Shri awardee A Saibaba Goud, who attended a club session at Secunderabad, said crying cleared the mind as well as eyes and tear ducts. Other physicians, who are members of the club, opined that the activity was better than using eye drops.

Health benefits

The concept of holding a group activity to encourage people to cry and relieve themselves of stress originated in Japan in 2013. Termed ruikatsu, the first-ever sobfest was organised by a former salesman Hiroki Terai in Tokyo. Now, the Japanese are strong believers in the health benefits of crying and ruikatsu has become a prominent feature in Osaka and Nagoya. As for Terai, he has gone on to write a series of books about crying, the most recent being Ikemeso Danshi, which features pictures of attractive men sobbing.

Terai and Masalawala aren’t the only ones to undertake projects on tears. Rose Lyn Fisher, a Los Angeles-based photographer, visually investigated tears by taking pictures through an optical microscope and compiling them in her book The Topography of Tears. Motivated by the curiosity to know about the nature of tears during a period of personal grief and life-changing situations, she says the work helped her visually evoke the unseen realm of emotions. “I wondered if tears of joy would look the same as tears of grief, and so I began to look at them through a microscope.” For her, crying is just like any other activity that makes us humans. “Why shedding tears brings up the question of being courageous or weak? We breathe, we perspire, we feel hungry, we are joyful, we laugh and we cry. This is being alive. How can it be cowardly to be oneself?” she questions.

The history

The earliest mention of tears in history can be found in Ras Shamra texts, which are a series of clay tablets dating back to the 14th century BC, found in the ancient city of Ugarit. These records suggest that “tears are induced by grief, and that they offer satiety, even a kind of intoxication.” Thomas Aquinas, in his grand and gothic work The Summa Theological revealed that tears lessen suffering because they provide pleasure. He also writes that any action “that befits a man according to his actual disposition is always pleasant to him.” Laughter gives pleasure when it is fitting, and so does weeping. Explaining the possible reason behind this ancient belief that tears are a source of pleasure, Ruby Ahuja, a Chandigarh-based clinical psychologist, says, “The modern theory by biochemist William Frey proposes that weeping expels toxins and stress hormones, and that explains the healing effects of a good cry.”

Tears of ancient Greek and Roman gods were believed to be diamonds that embodied celestial spirits. Ancient Japanese legends told stories of mermaids and nymphs crying tears of pearls. Ahuja, who feels that tears are laden with “description”, adds, “Tears are shed when we encounter love, beauty, victory, stress, hopelessness, anger, fatigue or loss. These activities involve a thought, followed by an emotion, which eventually results in crying.” They are produced both by “lachrymal glands” and “thought”.

Isn’t this whole phenomenon unusual and worth pondering upon! Ann Lauterbach, in her foreword to Fisher’s book explained, “When we weep all five senses collapse into a singularity: a taste of salt, the wetness of skin, sight blurred, ears filled with a rush of pulsing, breaking breath, the thick scent of gladness and sorrow.” We are intellectual-thinking beings, and we cry when stirred “beyond the capacity” to judge. Our rational mind will clutch at tears, yet they will eventually turn all “objects into fluids”. So, why not let the mighty tears flow and accept their magnificence. Embrace them without shame and accept them as a cognitive process, rather than considering them a stigma.