Finally, 'outsider' bahus get their name plates

Bought for meagre amounts from other states, they are yet to get same stature as others

Sumedha Sharma

Tribune News Service

Gurugram, November 13

“I hardly remember what it was back home. I was bought as a bride and have lived here for 45 long years and raised a family. I was lucky to have what an average Haryanvi matriarch has but today, it feels that I have got home in the true sense. I am happy I will die as Reena rather than a ‘molki’,” says Reena who is amongst the first ‘molki’ (bought) bride in the state to get her name etched on her house plate.

Reena, like over 1.5 lakh other women in the state, was bought from West Bengal at a meagre price. She was brought to Haryana as a bride to a man almost 15 years older than her.

She was lucky that her husband was good to her but this ‘pardeshi bahu’ (outsider bride) could never get the same respect and stature as other brides of the village get.

“It was like any other marriage but we are always treated as second-rate citizens. The identity of being a bought bride is never let go off and we miss out on many rights. It may be a simple name plate to you, but it has — after years of struggle — stamped my identity,” adds Reena.

The unique endeavour started in Kharkadi village of Farukhnagar block by Selfie With Daughter Foundation aims at not just getting social equality for these brides, but also equal rights in property which are being denied to them and even their children in many parts of the state.

“As per surveys, we have over 1.5 lakh women who were brought from other states and married off to men here. They came and proved to be a boon, but even after giving their entire lives, majority of them never get legitimate status in the families. The aim of the initiative is to remove the stigma attached to them. They are the ones who made these homes and hence, these homes need to be known by their names,” says Sunil Jaglan who is spearheading the initiative.

“People say it is a step forward for us that they are now calling us by our names instead of ‘molki’ or Paro, but many things are still the same as those were 42 years ago. I was brought here from Gujarat as a teen and gave my everything to marriage. I am a grandmother today but my identity continues to be that of an outsider bride. I don’t know what this name plate will change but seeing it will remind me of the existence I forgot all this while,” says Sheela, a 61-year-old who also got her name etched.