Haryana minister’s motherhood via surrogacy signals bold change

The decision of Haryana’s Health and Family Welfare Minister Aarti Rao (46) to become a mother through surrogacy is being seen as a bold step as well as a transformation of Haryanvi society, which has often taken pride in upholding old and regressive customs and traditions when it comes to women’s rights, including within marriage or motherhood.

Rao, who recently became a mother via surrogacy, hails from a politically influential family in the Ahirwal region, is highly educated and commands respect not only within the Ahir community but also across the wider socio-political spectrum of Haryana.

Sociologists, khaps stunned

Health and Family Welfare Minister Aarti Rao’s decision to bear a child via surrogacy has stunned both sociologists and khap panchayats — the latter’s notorious fatwas on individual freedoms have often fed into long-outdated norms of community and caste honour and allowed the worst and most brutal acts against women to take place.

Her decision to bear a child via surrogacy has stunned both sociologists and khap panchayats — the latter’s notorious fatwas on individual freedoms have often fed into long-outdated norms of community and caste honour and allowed the worst and most brutal acts against women to take place.

Rao’s assertion of personal will feeds into the ongoing convulsions in Haryanvi society where women are both front and centre as well as hidden away behind the purdah. Sportswomen like Vinesh Phogat have brought laurels to the nation in a contact sport like wrestling. Many women wrestlers went public with the shame and humiliation they felt when they accused former BJP MP Brij Bhushan Sharan Singh of sexual harassment.

However, notions of control and conformity are widely prevalent, even though the state government and courts have gone the extra mile to safeguard rights and freedoms guaranteed to all under the Constitution.

Only on July 20 in Charkhi Dadri, a khap panchayat, in the presence of the police, issued a diktat to a young inter-faith couple to end their marriage, otherwise the village would boycott their families. The adult couple had tied the knot in court.

In September 2023, also in Charkhi Dadri district, the police registered a case against 36 persons for imposing a social boycott on a newly married couple in Mandola village, although they belonged to different gotras. Both sets of parents were in favour of the marriage but both villages objected and declared a boycott of the couple and their families, including restrictions on access to their fields.

Significantly, while these khap panchayats have thought little of pronouncing medieval-era judgements on matters of inter-caste, inter-faith and same-gotra or same-village interaction, they have so far not come up with any opinion about surrogacy.

The secretary of the Sangwan khap, Nar Singh Sangwan, told The Tribune that the issue of surrogacy needed a thorough discussion in Haryanvi society as well as among other khap panchayats. “It would not be right to make a personal opinion on this topic before a decision is arrived at,” Sangwan said.

An RTI question by this reporter has revealed that the government has set up safe houses in each district for the protection of couples who dare to defy social norms and diktats to stay married. In Hisar district alone in 2024, as many as 200 couples had taken shelter in safe houses.

In previous years in the district, the number of such couples was much higher — as many as 218 in 2023, 253 in 2022, 245 in 2021, 432 in 2020 and 399 in 2019.

Shockingly, Hisar district recorded six incidents of honour killings from 2016 to 2023 — four accused were convicted and two acquitted.

Analysts say the fact that there are no comments in the public domain so far, for or against Rao’s surrogacy, either shows that it is too soon and people still have to make up their minds about someone in a position of power or that real change may be coming about in Haryana.

Dr Vijender Singh, sociologist at Kurukshetra University, told The Tribune that the lack of criticism so far may stem from the realisation that “the number of unmarried males and females has been growing and khap panchayats have been forced to relax marriage norms.”

He added that it was “too early to predict” how Haryanvi society would react to surrogacy.

A second sociologist, Dr Jitender Prasad, retired from Maharashi Dayanand University in Rohtak, was less sanguine. Haryanvi society, he said, “is simply not ready to accept things like surrogacy, live-in relationships, or intra-gotra and same-village marriages. Some khaps continue to act like vigilantes when they perceive a violation of societal norms. It’s a million dollar question how they will accept the BJP minister’s personal decision on surrogacy,” he told this reporter.

Women’s activist Jagmati Sangwan invoked the freedom of choice guaranteed to women under the Constitution. “Women must have the freedom to decide about their lives as well as about their bodies. This would empower them not only to excel in different fields but also to honour their individuality. Society must accept what women do,” she said.

That’s why Rao’s decision, Sangwan said, was about personal choice which must be honoured and respected. “Not just Rao, the same attitude must be developed regarding personal choices of everyone, especially vulnerable populations like Dalits, minority persons and the youth,” she said.