‘A ticket’ to good behaviour

Abha Chadhary

Etiquette is the vein of pleasant personal and social interactions. The word that means ‘a ticket’ in French, originated in the extravagant courts of the Sun King Louis XIV. The fashion pioneer that he was, he gave little cards to his courtiers that defined an elaborate network of protocol and codes of conduct that were dictated by his mercurial tastes and preferences.

Today, as it was in Louis’ court, knowledge of the rules and language that is ‘proper’ is a sign of being among the elite, to the extent that the lack of etiquette is naive and causes discomfort in human interactions. The word etiquette can very well be understood through an acronym.

E stands for enthusiasm. Right from the greetings that we exchange to the farewells that we bid to people, talk about our enthusiasm towards life. It is important to transfer a positive energy among people. A warm smile, a firm handshake and acknowledging head nods reflect our enthusiasm .

T is trust. Trust is a two-way street and it has ‘us’ in it. One feels a breach of trust if one’s feelings are not reciprocated. Relationships are our emotional bank accounts. Where there is emotion, there is expectation. So, if I trust you then I am perfectly allowed to expect you to respect my trust and reciprocate through your words or gestures. So, show etiquette through your trustworthiness.

Iis the intention to make the other feel important and wanted. It is the intention to make an interaction a positive and comfortable human experience. ‘I’ would also mean integrity. Listening to one’s honest inner voice. Integrity is what I do when others are not watching me. It is the satisfaction with which I sleep at night.

Q is to ask questions artfully. Questions make me know you better, at the same time I must not appear too intrusive and interrogative. It should be profound, honest, respectful and conversational.

Ustands for understanding. I become a better communicator when I understand the other’s perspective. I understand that a conflict is a discomforting disagreement and etiquette helps me make it a bit comforting. It is a manifestation of an attitude to understand the other’s feelings without being judgemental and biased.

Eagain is engagement through empathetic listening. The way I listen to someone is a reflection of my belief that to be ‘interesting’, I need to first be ‘interested’. Talk in a way.

Tis transparency. Transparency leads to trust. Keeping relevant information hidden from your spouse, business partner or friends is a plain breach of trust. As long as I value the ‘togetherness’ in a relationship, I will be truthful and honest. My will to share appropriately makes relationships and life simple. After all, not everyone likes to read a mystery novel.

Tis timeliness. A compliment at the right moment makes it more valuable. A delayed compliment often loses its impact. So, say a ‘Thank you’ or a ‘Sorry’ when it matters the most. These words can breathe in oxygen into a dwindling relationship. Timeliness means to do your best to be with a friend when she needs you. Just hear her out. Timeliness spells punctuality. It echoes my respect for your time.

E denotes expression. The words that I choose must be firm, friendly and polite. Remember there’s always a better way of saying it. It also reminds me that communication is a partnership and conversations must be dialogic. Avoid monologues.

Chaudhary is a Chandigarh-based image consultant