Mind your body language

Abha Chaudhary

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Two conversations at once. Every communication is two conversations. The first conversation is the one you are aware of–the spoken content. The second conversation is the one we are all unconscious experts on–the non- verbal one. Good etiquette is all about how we communicate. It is gaining a better understanding of who we commune with. It is gaining a clear picture of our own communications profile, take an inventory of our own gestures. We must rethink on how we communicate, to persuade others, to captivate the others with our charisma and to become a passionate story teller. These are the specific mysteries of communication. Our body language is a result of our intent. It is the intention that people see through our behaviour and that is how we are perceived. We are visual beings. We believe what we see. When the verbal and non-verbal communications are aligned, we pay attention to the spoken word because the body language supports it. If there is an incongruence between our spoken word and body language, then the human brain tends to believe the latter. That is why it is important to be watchful of the kinesics. The body language always trumps the spoken content. When we communicate, we are more interested in looking at the other person, so it is all the more imperative that we do not confuse the onlooker because when we are looking at the speaker, we could be getting cues that are in congruent to the words. The two conversations are so integral that men and women are gesticulating with their hands and face even when they are talking on the phone.

It’s all about attitude

We have been told a thousand times that any good meeting with someone starts with a firm handshake. It is not so much about the handshake, but about the attitude you bring to the room. Before you have said anything or reached out to the other, you have telegraphed a thousand subtle cues as to how you are feeling about yourself and how you are feeling about the other person. The handshake just seals the deal. How you stand, how you move your arms, what your posture is, the expression on your face, the way you are walking, and yes what you are wearing all affect the relationship more powerfully than the over stressed handshake.

Good etiquette states that gestures are not follow-ons–something to poorly substitute the content or a physical flourish to support our less impressive words. That is not how it works. It is to emphasise what we say or helps keep the other person listening. In fact, gestures have independent meaning. Avoid fragmentary gestures that throw the interlocutor in a spin.

Colours of emotion

Gestures also communicate the colours and tones of an emotion in a conversation through gestures. Gestures could amplify or minimise an emotion, so a smile magnifies the emotion of happiness and waving hands and arms violently in an argument could add fuel to the fire. We don’t say what we mean–we gesture it. Good etiquette implies that gesticulate appropriately so as to magnify a positive gesture and tone down a negative emotion.

Chaudhary is a Chandigarh-based image and style consultant)