The law of emotion

Abha Chaudhary

Etiquette is a set of rules to abide by so we don’t go wrong in our social and professional interactions. It’s a legacy every parent must pass on to her child. It’s a demeanour every well bred individual is expected to project. As a child I knew the proper etiquette while eating and conversing with peosple, and I often saw myself giving a nervous glance at my parents as if to seek their approval.

As I have grown through my experiences of interacting with people in varied situations, I have come to understand that etiquette is an attitude of good will towards others. It’s not just those golden rules embedded in books. It is my answer to some straight forward questions –Is my behaviour socially approved? Can I do anything better to save a conversation from running into an argument? Do I owe an explanation to the other if I don’t respond to her WhatsApp messages?

You can go easy

My sense of etiquette is more relaxed and internalised, because I am certain that as long as I don’t mean to annoy the other, I am not breaking rules of consideration and courtesy. Though I may be tweaking them a little. So, this guides me in every situation that is emotionally charged. As I don’t shy from my emotions, but I don’t let them run wild either. It’s all about striking a balance and learning to manage your feelings constructively, instead of quashing them in the garb of being in control of. When people are in the grip of fear, anxiety or stress, they are unable to make realistic assessment of situations. Etiquette enables us to regulate our emotions too and develop an important quality called emotional agility. A skill set that builds on our ability to face our emotions, label them, understand them and then choose to move forward deliberately. It is the ability to recognise when you’re feeling stressed, be able to step out of your stress, and then decide how to act in a socially approved manner, congruent with your personal values and aligned with your roles and goals. Emotional etiquette makes me more assertive. So, I can tell the other person when she is wrong, in a firm, yet polite tone.

Being in control

Etiquette also allows me to check my emotion of happiness, so I don’t sound and look childishly ecstatic. So, etiquette basically adds to our emotional intelligence and makes us more empathetic. It helps us to manage our emotions, so we do not tarnish the mood of a situation to any extreme. It is an answer to a simple question –How can I make any human interaction a more pleasant experience?

(Chaudhary is a Chandigarh-based image and style consultant)