Where do we draw the line?

Abha Chaudhary

Etiquette is all about resisting the intention to avoid conflict. It is the simple habit of resisting the temptation to lash out harsh words when you are angry. There, however, is a caveat—“Is controlling one’s anger as easy as it sounds in the previous statement?” Anger and frustration are emotions that can obviously take charge over one’s sensibilities. Since etiquette is another word for demonstration of sensibility, isn’t it very human to forget all rules of etiquette, when you are in an emotional state?

It pays to be grateful

It’s no secret that gratitude can change your attitude at such times. But how easily do you shift into positivity mode, when you’re dealing with deadlines, details and relationships that just aren’t working? It’s hard to be grateful in the midst of discouraging situations. A habit of good etiquette can help you to see a wiser resolution in every circumstance that brings in conflict. There’s something else available, if you choose to see it –a fresh perspective.

Of action and reaction

Life is to be experienced in all its shades. We learn to get up only when we fall. We know the correct way to do a task only when we know there is also another way to do it, which is incorrect. This realisation lets one look at a situation from the perspective of thought, and thought plus action is response. Action when one is emotional is reaction. Reaction is paradoxical to good etiquette. Every situation, no matter how challenging or dark, has a lesson. Etiquette teaches one to learn a lesson without blaming the other person in the situation. So, regardless of one’s moods and disappointments, etiquette allows one to smile at someone because there is no intention to hurt another. It’s all about internalizing the attitude of self responsibility, integrity and self-ownership. An attitude of ‘letting go’ sometimes. We don’t have to get hooked on to emotional hijacks.

There’s always a better way

Etiquette develops the practice of self control and practice leads to habit. Using abusive and hurtful words, making aggressive gestures and shouting while in a conflict can never define good etiquette. Etiquette suggests that there’s always a more civilized way to resolve a conflict, a manner which is calm and graceful. An attitude that constantly reminds one when and where to draw the line. Display of the right amount of emotion in a conflict is the spirit of civilized behaviour. Etiquette makes one realise that using deceit, guile and treachery in a conflict can leave a devastating aftermath that destroys relationships. Rules of civility encourage productive conflict rather than dysfunctional conflict. Productive conflict allows people to discuss. It prevents heated arguments. Etiquette is the sensibility to respect the other’s opinion. One may or may not agree with the other person, however, there’s is always a more responsive way to disagree than a reactive rejection.

(Chaudhary is a Chandigarh-based image and style consultant)