Hai Meri Billo!
From the time I saw you in the market where you were eating golgappas, thoughts of you are filling my mind ji. I am not being able to sleep or eat even. My bebe is so worried because I didn’t eat the fourth gobhi da parantha with white butter this morning. I refused the 2nd glass of malai lassi also. Your cute face is swimming before my eyes. And I am hoping that my face also must be swimming before your eyes. I am the fellow to whom you said, “Shakal dekhi hai?” But then you turned to smile at your friend, I was knowing that in actual, you liked me. Hai main mar jaavan!
I am the handsome boy in the black Goochi Jins, the black Pamu tee shirt, red Tommy Hillyfigure Jacket and the yellow Nick Shoes (with platform heels). You must have admired my photochromatic goggles also. I purchased the shiniest ones when I went to Palika Bazaar in Dilli.
Billo ji, I am now wanting to make you the Rani of my heart ji. I have even made a song for you:
Banja tu meri rani
Tenu mehal dava dunga
Ban meri mehbooba
Main tenu taj pava dunga
Nice no? I am singing this song loudly when I am looking at your Facebook profile. Oh yes, Billo Rani, like a true aashiq, I have found your FB profile. How? Easy! I followed you in the market and took the number that you had given during billing to Shunty, the salesboy in the shop from where you purchased that pink bag. Bas! I traced you. Smart na?
I liked your mummyji and papaji’s photos also. Pairi pauna to them. I am too happy that you live in Canada. I love Canada.
Billo Raniji, I am sending you Friend’s request again and again, but you are not accepting. Valentine Day has gone, but I want to propose you so kindly accept. We will live our lives together. I want to grow old with you and do what old people do. My Facebook profile is Rocky di Lamborghini. I don’t have Lamborghini but will get one in Canada.
I am thankful to you if you accept my offer and if you are not interested then please forward this letter to any of your good-looking friend. But she should be a Canadian citizen.
Response from an Angry Juliet
Hello Rocky Singh,
I cannot accept your ‘proposal’ for the following reasons:
Your parents have probably named you after the rocks in your head. You are a weird dresser. You stalk people and spy on women. You cannot write an original poem. Your choice of breakfast makes me gag. Your FB profile name totally sucks. Incidentally, my best friend in Canada is a man-hating wrestler. Still interested?
PS: That banging that that you’re hearing on your door is the police. Their baraat has arrived to take you to “Canada” in their “Lamborghini”. Enjoy your honeymoon.
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