Emotional dilemma of a surgeon
I entered the pre-operative area before the surgery and exchanged pleasantries both with the patient, a boy of 15, and his father. The boy was lined up for a major laparoscopic procedure. He had undergone an extensive surgery as a baby and had a long surgical scar across his stomach. As is mandatory, I gently rediscussed the concerns with the father regarding the operation and requested him to sign the high-risk consent form, while reassuring him that as a team, we were committed to do our best for the boy. I could sense palpable tension and uneasiness on the father’s face.
Having a son of a similar age made me acutely aware of his predicament. While I got busy with briefing the operative team about the course which we would follow in that case, I could see from the corner of my eye what was transpiring between the father and son. The father held the shoulders of the boy, looked straight into his eyes, concentrated for a couple of seconds, and then blurted out with a firm, resolute voice, ‘Go, don’t worry.’ I am loath to admit this, but I had my heart in my mouth. That fraction of a moment made me realise the enormous responsibility I was carrying. Here was a boy with his whole life ahead of him, holding the dreams and aspirations of the entire family. Clutching to my commitment, I shifted the patient to the operating room. The surgery went off well, as envisaged, and he was ready to go home much sooner than anticipated. It was redeeming, indeed, but emotionally draining.
A different situation emerged a couple of days later. Near the midnight hour, while preparing to take a seriously ill patient with perforated intestine inside the operating theatre, his worried wife peered into my eyes and asked, ‘Is it going to be a life-threatening intervention?’ Without blinking an eyelid, my answer was in the affirmative. With tears welling up in her eyes, she said, ‘This has been the second marriage for both of us. I had lost my earlier husband and I don’t have the courage to undergo it again.’ It was my turn to squirm and feel depleted. I was wondering what would be more difficult — operating on this seriously ill patient and trying to save his life, or keeping my mind off the adverse repercussions thereof?
The outcome was successful, but I shudder to think what if the result were different. On sleepless nights, I relive the emotional dilemma of those moments.
