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Forgotten birthdays & anniversaries

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BIRTHDAYS and anniversaries have been celebrated in our household since the days of my grandfather. As per the lunar month, he was born on the Teej of Sawan. He always awaited his birthday as an emotional occasion, when he would organise a feast for about a hundred old men and women at Anta, my village. He would also give them Re 1, Rs 2 and Rs 5.

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People looked forward to his birthday. He began preparations a fortnight in advance. I remember the banter between him and my father when he once asked for some arrangement to be made. ‘For what?’ Bauji asked. ‘Since people have to celebrate my birthday on Teej!’ grandfather contended. ‘Are you Jawaharlal?’ he pulled grandfather’s leg. The latter quipped, ‘Yes, for Anta-walas, I am Jawaharlal, go ask them!’

Though Bauji wasn’t too keen on celebrating his own birthday like my grandfather, he brought goodies for all in the family on everyone’s birthday. Mine was a special one since being the only brother of five sisters they thought I was important enough.

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When Bauji began to grow old, he suddenly became aware of celebrations in regard to him. We knew that his birthday fell on the third day after the Teej, but my grandfather’s celebrations took all the shine away, and Bauji’s birthday was sort of a lesser event.

With him getting older, we made sure that we celebrated Bauji’s birthday too. Either he would travel to us, or we made it to our village where he preferred to live after my mother’s demise. Father often told us things relating to his wedding. He would boast about three chartered rail coaches, specially arranged to ferry his baraat from Panipat to Sonepat, to reach my mother’s village Kakroi. He, also with a blush on his face, spoke about the beauty of my mother, comparing her with the actress of yesteryear Begum Para.

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On May 14, 2005, four years before his death, Bauji called me, not sounding happy. I was a bit worried when there was a long pause on the telephone line. ‘You guys did not wish me on my wedding anniversary!’ he said in an accusing tone. ‘But we never knew about your wedding anniversary, Bauji!’

I decided not to argue, and one by one, we all wished him. I dialled my eldest sister to ask if she remembered anything with regard to our parent’s nuptial event. She laughed and said no one ever talked about its timeline. I told her about Bauji’s annoyance. ‘He seems to have selective dementia due to old age,’ she concluded and hung up.

Next year on May 14, I called up my father and said, ‘Happy wedding anniversary to you!’ ‘Whose anniversary?’ ‘Yours and Ma’s!’ I said. ‘Have you gone bonkers? Who told you? Even I don’t remember the date.’ I decided not to argue again. Ma must be smiling in heaven.

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