Funny side of life in the Army

SERVICE in the Army is a serious business and it’s not for the physically and mentally weak. The tough situations bring out the best in its personnel under the worst circumstances. At the same time, it has its light moments.

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The medical platoon of an infantry unit, whose primary task is to provide first aid and stretcher bearers to carry the wounded during war, also acts as the unit’s brass/pipe band for ceremonial purposes. The buglers are supposed to alert the unit in case of an emergency, such as a fire mishap, and also for the firefighting drills. Naik Chand Ram, a bugler who was on the verge of retirement, was interviewed by his young officiating company commander, whose father owned a fuel station in Uttar Pradesh. He requested the officer to give him post-retiral employment at the fuel station. When asked what he would do there, he said, ‘Sahib, aisi jagah par aag lag sakti hai, main bugle baja diya karunga (my bugle will come in handy at this fire-prone place)’.

In the Army, apart from quarterly tests for physical fitness, such as runs, route marches and firing, there are written exams too. Two of them are called Part B and Part D. Passing these exams is a must to get the substantive rank of Captain and Major, respectively, and that too within a stipulated time frame and in a limited number of chances. An acting Major had been grappling with Part D for four years. Now was the last chance and he risked losing seniority if he flunked. On the eve of the exam, he got a telegram from his sister-in-law: ‘Jiju, don’t make Part D part of your life. Best of luck.’ Her sincere wishes seemed to have worked as he finally passed the exam.

During our stay at the Siachen glacier in 1990-91, there was a frequent exchange of artillery fire with the enemy. Whenever the enemy fired, we fired back it was called retaliatory fire. On January 1, 1991, when the Commanding Officer conveyed the brigade commander’s New Year greetings to the company commanders on the telephone, one of them said, ‘Sir, please tell the commander that Major Sarabjit Singh and his company boys heartily retaliate (he meant reciprocate) the same.’

In those days, we kept in touch with our families back home through letters. These were para-dropped at the posts along with ration and other material. Everyone eagerly waited for para-drops and the parachute carrying the mail from home was retrieved even from the most difficult areas. Due to high-velocity winds, some of the para-drops carrying ration couldn’t be picked up and these were reported as ‘irretrievable’. The same quantity of ration was then given to make good the loss.

When, on popular demand, desi ghee was introduced in lieu of cheese, the cases of ‘irretrievable’ para-drops suddenly increased. To solve this problem, the Commanding Officer ordered that all personal mail would be delivered by the parachute carrying desi ghee. All of a sudden, the ‘irretrievable drop’ reports decreased drastically!