The echo of courtroom humour
Humour has always been a part of the legal profession, a medicine that actually brings smiles to the stressful life of the black-robed community.
One instance of courtroom humour was when an intensely irritated Justice Kuldip Singh enquired from the then Attorney General, G Ramaswamy, during a hearing: ‘You think we are fools?’ Ramaswamy sharply replied, ‘My Lords have put me in a very difficult situation. If I agree, I am in contempt; if I disagree, I commit perjury.’
During my days as a fresher, a woman advocate said something to the Bench. Nothing was audible. The Supreme Court judges wanted to know what she actually uttered. The opposing lawyer stood up and said, ‘My Lord, her melodious voice is not working.’ There was laughter when we could understand that it was the biting winter cold that had choked her voice. The case was adjourned.
I remember it was peak summer and I was appearing before a metropolitan magistrate in the Patiala House Court. In those days, there was no air-conditioning in the trial courts in Delhi. The magistrate was browsing through a bail bond and asked the ‘surety’ about his relationship with the accused. Prompt came the reply, ‘He is my brother.’ The magistrate astonishingly enquired how a Hindu could be a brother of the accused, a Muslim. The surety asked, ‘Sir, can’t Hindus and Muslims be brothers?’ The magistrate was embarrassed. He murmured, ‘No, no, I am not objecting to anything.’ It was the Kodak moment of the day.
Many clients are superstitious. Initially, I used to get irritated, but later I learnt to obey the instructions. At least, it gave them solace. Once, a client from Odisha stopped me as I was embarking to argue his case before a commission. He put a red tilak on my forehead. It was uncomfortable for a person like me who never carries any religious symbol of even my own faith. He said, ‘Judge ke tilak dekhne se kaam ho jayega.’ With the tilak on my forehead, I argued the case at length. The commissioner disposed of the matter dictating a favourable order. As we were parting, he looked at me. His silent eyes said it was the tilak that had done the miracle.
The history of the Allahabad High Court has a funny conversation between Walter Mytton Colvin and Charles Ross Alston, both prominent lawyers. Walter was tall, while Charles was short. Walter is said to have jokingly remarked, ‘Charles, I feel like putting you in my pocket.’ Charles shot back, ‘In that case, you shall have more law in your pocket than in your head.’
Once Ram Jethmalani was vehemently opposing an adjournment sought by a woman advocate. After long persuasion, when he finally agreed, the judge said, ‘Mr Jethmalani, she will host dinner for you.’ Jethmalani shot back, ‘After dinner, what?’ A laugh passed through the entire courtroom. That was Ram Jethmalani. If you were ticklish, he would tickle you.
