Hear to succeed: Mastering tactical empathy for interview success

Tactical empathy is a negotiation and communication strategy that involves deliberately and actively understanding the feelings, mindset and perspective of the other party, not just to sympathise, but to gain information and influence the situation to achieve a positive outcome.

​It is often described as “emotional intelligence on steroids” and was popularised by former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss. The core principle is that by making your counterpart feel heard and understood, you build trust, disarm negative emotions and create a safe space for dialogue, which ultimately increases your ability to influence the interaction.

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Key components of tactical empathy

​Active listening: Fully focusing on what the other person is saying, including their non-verbal cues (body language, tone of voice).

​Labelling: Verbally acknowledging and validating the other person’s emotions (e.g., “It seems like you’re feeling frustrated”, or “It sounds like you're concerned about the timeline”). This deactivates negative feelings.

​Mirroring: Repeating the last one to three key words the other person said, often in a questioning tone, to encourage them to elaborate.

​Effective pauses/silence: Allowing silence after a question or a label, which encourages the other person to fill the space with more information.

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How tactical empathy helps in preparing for interviews of various exams

​In the context of an interview for an exam (like a civil service exam interview), tactical empathy can be a powerful tool to manage the interaction, build rapport and present yourself effectively.

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Understanding the interviewer's perspective/goals

​The “need under the need”: Interviewers are generally looking for candidates who are competent, a good fit and who can handle the pressures of the job/programme. By applying tactical empathy, you can try to understand the unspoken criteria or motivations behind their questions.

​Tailoring answers: If an interviewer asks a tough ethical question, they may be testing your ability to handle stress or your moral compass. Recognizing this underlying concern allows you to shape your answer not just to be correct, but to address their primary need for a reliable candidate.

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Building instant rapport and trust

​Active listening: By truly focusing on their questions, tone, and body language, you show respect and engagement. This makes the interviewer feel valued and heard, creating a positive initial impression.

​“Labelling” their concerns (Subtly): If an interviewer expresses skepticism or asks a challenging follow-up, you can subtly label the emotion or concern. For example: “I appreciate you raising that concern about my lack of practical experience”, or “It sounds like you want to ensure I understand the gravity of this situation”. This validates their role and disarms any potential tension.

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Managing difficult or unexpected questions

​Using mirroring and pauses: When faced with a complex question, mirroring the last few words or using a deliberate pause can buy you a crucial moment to formulate a thoughtful, structured response, rather than rushing into an ill-prepared answer. The brief pause also signals that you are seriously considering the gravity of the question.

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Controlling your emotional state

​De-escalating anxiety: By consciously focusing your attention and efforts on understanding the interviewer (a key step of tactical empathy), you shift your focus outward instead of focusing inward on your own anxiety and internal commentary. This can help you maintain a calm and composed demeanour.

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Gathering information and encouraging dialogue

​Calibrated questions (in reverse): While primarily for negotiation, a skilled interviewee can use open-ended, non-threatening questions to clarify the scope of a question or a case study or even towards the end of the interview. This shows you are engaged and collaborative, not just passively taking orders. For example: “How would you ideally like me to address the resource constraint in this problem?”

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In a nutshell: In essence, tactical empathy helps you treat the interview not as an interrogation, but as a high-stakes, collaborative conversation where your primary goal is to understand the interviewer's objective and deliver an answer that meets their needs.