At 70, learning to be mum

Neha Saini

Becoming a mother could be best described as a ‘heavenly experience’. But when you are touted as the world's oldest first-time mother, the term dons a whole new meaning together. Meet Amritsar-based Davinder Kaur, who became mother at 70.

As she lulls one-month-old Armaan to sleep, she says the baby has made interesting the otherwise quiet life of Davinder and her husband Mohinderjit Singh Gill, 75, who are probably the world's oldest first-time parents. While the IVF baby is already being referred to as a 'medical marvel’ by the media that is going gaga over the amazing ‘story’, for the septuagenarians, it's a dream come true. Finally.

“I don’t understand the frenzy around our childbirth, though I understand it is not common to give birth to a baby when you are past a certain age,” Davinder says with an unusual calmness that is hard to find in a first-time mother. “Like every couple that wants to carry forward the family's name through its children, we too wanted our own child and now we have one. But why does that become a matter of great social discussion is beyond my understanding,” she says as she steals a glance at the tiny, feeble fingers peeping out from a slightly large shirt.

Of course, she is referring to the series of questions and doubts that have arisen ever since the news broke. The couple was childless for 46 years and went through extensive IVF treatment at a Haryana-based fertility until, one day, it worked.

Davinder went through two failed in-vitro fertilization procedures using anonymous donor eggs before getting it right in the third attempt. “Although everyone told us that post-menopausal births are very difficult, but I never stopped believing that I will be a mother one day and that's what made us go for the IVF treatment immediately after we first saw a commercial on television in 2014,” says the mother.

Mohinderjit Singh says the process of becoming parents was not easy. “As we had no issue, I had to fight in the court to get my share of ancestral land in village Rora near Kharar. We won the case and decided to spend the money on IVF treatment. Despite our doctor's initial advice against it, we persisted. We drove down to Hisar thrice a month. The 10-hour drive exhausted my senses; the treatment took a toll on my wife's physical health. At one point during her third attempt, she lost almost 10kg, five of them within a week.” Armaan was born a month before full term and suffers from calcium deficiency. Davinder doesn’t understand why. “I took all the care necessary during the pregnancy,” she tries to explain.

While the medical fraternity seems divided over whether it is ethically right to carry out such treatments on 50-plus women, the couple seems to be in bliss. "Armaan is a gift from God. He sleeps 12 hours a day and feeds during the rest. He smiles a lot while he is asleep. We both take turns to put him to sleep at night as he has erratic sleeping hours," shares Davinder, as she breastfeeds the infant.

“There were times when people asked me to adopt from within the family, but I never wanted that. Apna bachcha tey apna hi hunda hai. You don't have the same feelings for an adopted child,” she says candidly. Her days are now spent taking care of Armaan and doing household chores. She admits it’s too taxing for her. “I feel completely drained out by the end of the day, but want to make sure I take extra care of him.”

Ask the parents if they fear any social embarrassment for themselves and their child once he grows up, and they give a firm reply: “We have never ever given it much of a thought; why bother now.”

“We have got everything we wanted and we will raise him and give him a proper education. Rest is in god’s hands,” says Davinder as the two get busy again. Armaan needs a diaper change.