Hope gone, how to feel young?

Satjit Singh

I HAVE had the opportunity to sponsor a couple of senior citizen events and be a special guest too. That was when I was a few years short of that status myself. I enjoyed the transformation from a senior banker to a senior citizen, for the ‘discounts attached’. Being a derelict senior, perhaps, I did not have an opportunity,  nor a strong desire to formally join any such group.

I could not resist an invitation to attend a function held by a local club for the benefit of the elderly. All went well — jokes, poetry, songs and a pretty young and lively compere. Then came the special speaker, a ‘trainer’ arranged by the club. She began enthusiastically with her Googled quotes — Age is nothing but numbers; you are as young as you think; feel young and you will never be old. Her theatrical enthusiasm was pricked by a coarse voice from within the audience. A very senior gentleman stood up, saying he had a question. He took his time to walk to the mike. ‘I am a retired headmaster; 82 year old, suffering from Parkinson’s. I have been advised by the doctor to use diaper because of prostrate problem. Brittle bones do not permit my wife to walk without a stick. My  well-settled children are too busy to find time even to visit us. Please tell me how do I feel young?’ 

There was complete silence. He resumed: ‘The problem with you people is that you want us, the old people, to ignore reality and live in an imaginary world. Ageing is not a crime or a stigma to be avoided by trying to act young.’ 

The organisers were apparently embarrassed. 

I made efforts to enliven the atmosphere by acknowledging the reality, so candidly put forth by him, and at the same time, adding that most of us do keep desires and fantasies alive. Invocation of Ghalib was well taken: Go haath ko jumbish nahi aankhon mein to dum hai/Rehney do abhi sagar-o-meena mirey aagey.

The evening set me thinking. What are the problems of the elderly, in the middle class context? Apart from health, financial and social security concerns, there are several issues borne out of our attitude;  like, expecting others to make us happy; complaints about the next generation and ‘living’ in the life of our children. Happy to see them happy, boastful of their achievements. Then, in old age, we emotionally surrender ourselves to life as part of the children’s.

Sahir’s lyrics are apt: Mujhko tujhko jeevan amrit abb in hathon se pena hai/ Inki dadkan me basna hai in ki saason mein jeena hai. 

 High expectations that follow result in pain for the elderly as well as youngsters. This generally leads to a stage when people discuss their problems and find commiserations. Fear of disappointment overweighs the desire of happiness. Ghalib, again, has something for such feelings of helplessness and hopelessness:  Rahi na taaqat-e-guftaar, aur agar ho bhi to kis umeed pe kahiye ke aarzoo kya hai!

I often sit ruminating on what the headmaster, and a father, said on that  day. Whatever advice we may dispense, self-pity is certainly not the way out.