Granny’s male-child fixation

Navneet Kaur 

If in childhood I had to choose to put a post on my relationship status with my grandmother, I would have clicked the ‘it is complicated’ option. Reading the update, many Facebook friends would have tried to figure out what had transpired between us. Like most grandchildren, I also have a special predilection for my grandmother. She, too, reciprocates my love-smeared gestures by turning exceedingly indulgent. But throughout my childhood my relation with her remained complex. After her two female children, when my mother was pregnant the third time, I found my grandmother going through hard penance with the observance of every possible fast. Grandma was fasting to please different dieties, so that our family could be blessed with a male child. Eventually her prayers were heard and my brother was born. 

At home, my granny never resorted to gender discrimination, and like my brother, we both sisters remained the apple of her eye. But inside, I had a gripe against her over her male-child preference. In my college days, I had begun to get wider exposure and my newly expanded horizons of knowledge cemented my belief that girls were not lesser in any manner in comparison with boys. That my granny had a retrograde and regressive mindset was my belief at that time. 

But when after the completion of my studies my parents were looking for a suitable match for me, a realisation dawned upon me. Thereon, her male-child fixation did not appear abominable anymore. Despite the best efforts of my parents, my marital alliance was nowhere on the cards. Born and brought up in a humble family of a salaried clerk, my father was not in a position to give dowry. Even in this age of so-called broad-mindedness, a dowry-less bride failed to attract suitors. My college degrees studded with gold medal and a sound moral character were not sufficient to get me a suitable groom. The hunt to find a husband to an impoverished bride continued for many years, but in vain. 

Finally one day, I resolved not to marry and instead pursue higher studies. Today, I am employed as a college lecturer with a handsome salary. But I continue to stick to my resolve. I am not ready to walk down the aisle. 

Sitting in the drawing room, I take my granny in my arms and drown all my grievances and grudges against her. Certainly, grandmothers and mothers of our society will not feel delighted over the birth of a girl child as long as we do not mend our ways and shun the greedy practice of claiming dowry. 

I realise that my dear grandma was not regressive, but practical about her desire for a male child. Will it change at all?