Hold your breath!

Aradhika Sharma

“IF I have to go for another one on one meeting with Harsha, I’ll die!” Mandy declared at the lunch table.

“Don’t be silly. You can’t not go for meetings without her. She’s your manager,” Shobha chided her. “What’s the issue anyway? She’s managed some pretty big teams.”

“Yes, probably by stunning her team members to silence with her fish breath!” Mandy retorted. “I tell you, I can’t stand it! Oopar se, she comes so close to your face to make her point, you get the putrescence straight up your nose! And all you can do is sit there, listen and smile.” 

“So, hold your breath!” Shobha said.

“For how long? Yesterday I held my breath for so long that I turned red in the face and thought that I’d asphyxiate. Even that seemed preferable to getting blasted with the oral malodour. I’m seriously considering asking for a change of teams,” she expostulated.

“You can’t do that. You’re the person interfacing with the client.  Sabrina, you’re the strategy officer. Why don’t you make a stink-resistant strategy for her?” I asked.

“How about carrying chewing gum the next time you go for a meeting and offering it to her?” Sabrina suggested.

“No use! Last week, we had a team meeting and I offered everybody sticks of chewing gum. Everyone had one, but she turned it down! See her nerve?’

“I had a cute boyfriend in college who had the same problem. It was a relationship that tried me to the extreme, but I worked out some tactics,” Shobha said.

“Like what?”

“Like I’d say, I’m bored! Let’s go brush your teeth!” Shobha laughed. “He actually thought that I had a teeth fetish!”

“Smart move, Shobha! Vaise, have you noticed how people with bad breath have so many secrets to share?”

“I don’t understand how people do not know they have bad breath. Can’t they judge from people’s reactions?”

“Parents or siblings or partners should do the job of telling them that their less-than-stellar, malodourous hygiene habits are causing other people distress.”

“It’s easiest for parents actually because their role is to teach hygiene to their kids. My father would summarily dispatch us to brush our teeth and wash our underarms with Lifebouy every time he got a whiff of staleness from us. His intervention has made us more conscious of the importance of personal hygiene and agreeable body odour,” I agreed.

“It is more difficult for partners, but I believe that though they may be scared of hurting their partner’s feelings, being honest about the smelly situation could improve their relationship,” Sabrina added.

“The pressing issue is how to handle Harsha’s halitosis? She has a mom, a dad, a sister, and best friends to tell her. I need game plans for self-protection. I refuse to be an oral-bomb victim any longer,” Mandy announced.

“Well, place yourself as far away from her as you can!” I said.

“Gift her dental products like rinses, flosses and toothbrushes for her birthday,” Shoba suggested.

“On the positive side, remember, what doesn’t make you throw up, only makes your stomach stronger!”