Never been better for ‘cattle class’

Sanjeev Trikha

Two cows, after feasting on the lush-green crop, headed towards the national highway for rumination and to enjoy the rendezvous with some already seated there.  “The ambience of these highways and the gush of wind generated by speeding traffic has been my weakness,” one of them remarked. The ecstasy of enjoying the luxury of sitting in the centre of the well lit, wide and clean road near the toll plaza was writ large on their faces. As they joined the group, the first one justifying their separation from the herd roaming in the fields said, “They belong to ‘cattle class’. They don’t realise that their movement damages crops.”

“You know, the government, thinking of our wellbeing and security, has initiated cow cess on the income of humans?” One of them set the ball rolling. “Is it? But are you sure the revenue generated in our name would be spent on us only?” The other one raised doubts. “Nevertheless someone has finally thought of us. Look nobody can now dare to remove us from this busy road. All vehicles slow down as a mark of respect towards us and make way for our comfort. Even farmers whose crops get damaged treat us with dignity.” Achhe din are here. “In some states we are provided with security cover by commandos named gaurakshaks,” the first one continued. “They should be called gaummandos!” a witty mind interjected.  

“I smell a political rat in all such developments, but still, we should welcome it. When politicians with negative contribution can enjoy security cover, why shouldn’t we?” remarked a rational one. “The government is opening gaushalas. I applied for one, but my name did not figure in the NRC of that state,” a sulking one remarked. “But our contribution to the nation’s development needs analysis in the scenario where people no longer vie for our milk, where farmers are wisely shifting to new techniques, where consumption of beef is a heinous crime,” stated one who had spent years with a professor of economics. “In this country all that glitters on paper is gold, so no need to worry. Thanks to Lord Krishna and his stories where we continue to glitter,” another viewpoint was endorsed by the one who spent years in a mandir. “The government is seriously working on our USP and highlighting the medicinal value of our urine,” a knowledgeable one emphatically commented. “Oh is it? That is why I feel guilty whenever I pass urine as I waste it and dent the GDP!” the witty cow took a jibe at the scholarly figure.

“We should not underestimate ourselves. We now have the status of ‘mother’,” a self-obsessed cow suggested. “Are humans trustworthy? We are only their sworn mothers. When they don’t care for their real mother when they are of no use, expecting anything from them would be living in a fool’s paradise,” an emotional one intervened. 

The talk was suddenly halted by the sound of screeching tyres of a vehicle which had to brake as a mark of respect to this elite class.