Delhi Crime my best

Shefali Shah

I AM my toughest critic. I rarely like any of my performances, but yes, I agree with all those (viewers, critics) who believe Delhi Crime’s DCP Vartika Chaturvedi has been my best. I think, I did step out of my comfort zone.

Were there any reference points for playing her? Well, I met Chhaya Sharma, the former DCP who cracked the Nirbhaya case which anyway we all are well aware of. But beyond that, I wanted to play this character like none you have seen before. Reprising the part in Season 2, I was conscious of the character’s consistency, yet had to bring freshness to the part in small subtle ways. It’s like we don’t respond to different circumstances in the same way and that reflects in our mannerisms. Yet, our brain, our soul is the same. Like my voice is different when Vartika talks to the press and when she communicates with her superior, and again changes vastly when she talks to her subordinates. It’s like she walks ramrod straight with a lot of pride in the uniform, but when she meets Inspector Bhupinder Singh in the hospital, she lets go of the stiff body language.

While doing Season 2, I was not bogged down by the weight of expectations, or the fact that Season 1 had won an International Emmy Award. To start with, when Delhi Crime was conceived and made, we were not aiming at any laurels. Why we didn’t even have a platform, didn’t know that Netflix would come on board. Second time around, I did wonder briefly: how do I match up to this? And it was a learning curve. Today, I won’t make a choice, for both Seasons are equally powerful and good.

Did I miss creator Richie Mehta’s directorial touch in Season 2? He gave us a legacy of Delhi Crime and Tanuj Chopra made it his own in the second season. Just as I wouldn’t pick between the two Seasons, I wouldn’t between Richie and Tanuj, who are very dear friends and makers whom I respect.

As for the new-found admiration for my talent, even though I have been around since Hasratein and Satya, all I can say is “der aaye durust aaye”. It has been a long journey. I didn’t think I will be here. But, today, look around, actresses in their late forties are driving the content. In my journey, I give full credit to Delhi Crime, which changed my career, my life. I am glad my instincts, my impulses have worked. For, I work straight from my heart. I have to become the character and when people recognise me as a character, I am most thrilled.

I work from my gut; if it clicks, if the role excites me, I will say yes. I only ask myself: where I can go with this part? Directors are important to me but I have worked with a lot of first-time directors too. So there are no mental blocks. Why would I restrict myself, limit myself to certain kind of parts as I believe there is a lot of strength in vulnerability too.

Once I say yes to a film or series, I am totally consumed by my role. Though I can’t quantify or articulate which aspect would come back or stay with me forever, I pour everything into it — mentally, physically and emotionally. I am so driven that I am literally eating, breathing and sleeping the character. Even when I go back home, my husband often tells me, “But you have to sleep too.”

Vipul (Shah) and I talk shop for we share a common love for cinema. But we respect each other way too much to ever make demands. I know he, who is a producer and director, will come to me if there is a part that is worthy of me. So, obviously, I will not ask him to make something for me. Our projects are very precious to both of us. Hence, there is no question of, “Mere liye karo.” That’s not how it works.

In a happy relationship, the bottomline is that neither should make the other feel low. But there is no instruction manual. Just as there is none for handling success. All I would say to how I process success is that while I take my work very seriously, I don’t take myself seriously. Nor should we take the heated debate about gender. Be it pay parity or whether women directors are more sensitive, I think this whole gender thing is blown out of proportion. I don’t think OTT is a greater boon for women actors, but for creative people per se.

Now that I am headlining so many projects (Jalsa, Darlings), would I say no to smaller parts? I always like to give the classic example of Monsoon Wedding, where I feel each character was the lead in that moment, in that space. The same goes for OTT, especially series like Delhi Crime, where no matter how short or long, not small or big, the part is, each character is significant. Unless you are giving me something where I feel valued, I might say no. But yes, I am playing a small part in Doctor G, and am really looking forward to a beautiful film, Three of Us. One day, I hope someone can tap my dancing talent as I am a trained Bharatanatyam dancer. At the end of the day, my only competition is with myself.

But I do not set out consciously to prove myself. The privilege of being on camera is that it catches the subtlest inflections with or without words. I am rather transparent, and my eyes, a genetic blessing, reflect what I feel. Finally, I don’t dwell on my achievements. I quickly move on.

— The writer is an award-winning actor

(As told to Nonika Singh)

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