Too mush!

Aradhika  Sharma

Dear Diary Didi,

As if it were not bad enough to have a Valentine’s week consisting of seven complete days where you must do immensely silly stuff to prove your love, I hear, they’ve started an anti-Valentine’s week too. And during this week, if that were even possible, you must do even sillier stuff!

Diary Didi, apparently, the Valentine week begins with Rose Day on the 7th of February. I learnt this when some vandal lovers entered my garden early in the morning and uprooted my entire rose bush to get free roses. Hope they got nicely poked by the thorns! Then there’s Propose Day (in the days of Tinder, no prizes for guessing the sort of ‘proposals’ made). This is followed by Chocolate Day (imported, expensive ones, naturally), Teddy Day (the bigger and pinker the teddy, the greater the lover’s love and probably the chances of his ‘proposal’ getting accepted). Then there are the Promise Day (promise of a diamond pendant?), Hug Day and Kiss Day (no explanations needed for these). And after the trial by fire, if the partner or beloved is pleased with the quality of roses (even stolen ones), the gargantuan teddies, sugary chocolates, extravagant promises, hugs and kisses, etc. then finally it’s the V-Day. Sounds like a lot of work, if you ask me.

If you’re tired — and broke — after the love-saturated week, you still need to keep a stiff upper lip, for, in the offing is the anti-Valentine week. This starts February 15 until February 21.  I’m actually feeling sorry for poor February!

So, here are my interpretations of the anti-V week:

15th February: Slap Day: This is the day the lover gets a look at his depleted bank balance and slaps himself! It is also likely that the beloved slaps herself for getting carried away by the eek and submitting to the ‘proposal’.

16th Feb: Kick Day: This is the day you decide that you’ve had enough of the opposite sex and decide to play some football with your pals and engage in activity that’s not likely to cost money.

17th Feb: Perfume Day: The day when the girls who received bottles of perfumes decide to spritz on their favourite one and keep away the other bottles to gift their friends on their birthdays.

18th Feb: Flirting Day: You’re ready to hit the love scene again and try your luck flirting with another girl or boy.

19th Feb: Confession Day: The day you feel suicidal and confess the flirting day activities to your significant other.

20th Feb: Missing Day: The calls and messages from your significant other are ‘missing’. You wonder why she’s not responding.

21st Feb: Breakup Day: Either the Flirting Day gave you a new angle in life, or your significant other has had enough!

So exhausting, really! Waise, Diary Didi, women who’ve been married for over 15 years should celebrate the Aunty Valentine Week. The days would be: Phitte Moonh Day, Passé Ho Day, O Bas Kar Day, Gimme A Break Day, Mind the Kids Day, Bye, I’m Out With My Girl Gang Day and I’ve Got A Headache Day!