One for the mother

Col HP Singh (retd) 

IT is a girl child...congratulations!’ These words ended hours of agony of waiting outside the labour room when my wife was undergoing an excruciating life-giving experience, and I felt helpless standing outside. Having held back the stress-induced tears, I finally let them roll down, exhibiting profound happiness and relief. I had just been promoted to the rank of a Dad.

When my wife recuperated, we got down to serious parenting. There was no dearth of experienced mothers across generations to guide us on what to do and what not to. While I agreed with the traditional ways of bringing up a child, my wife believed that parenting was not only an instinct, but also a skill which could be acquired for the balanced personality of a child. She relied more on Dr Benjamin Spock, an American paediatrician, than on native knowledge that had been passed down.

As we travelled along the path of parenthood, she would often say that most psychological and developmental problems of a child have their roots in the manner in which they are raised. Having undergone the grueling nine months and the D-day encounter, she had moral ascendency over rearing our child. My role was confined to babysitting, nappy-washing and being a buffoon to make our little angel laugh. I gracefully accepted my role and followed the instructions given to me. 

For a child, the parents are a role model and he/she has an inherent tendency to please them by emulating them. A loving and accepting parent will build the child’s self-esteem, resulting in positive relations in life, while a judgemental and critical parent will do exactly the opposite. I have had the unfortunate experience of serving under the craziest of bosses and my wife would never let my office tension affect our family life. I learnt from her that how one coped with stressful situations would teach the child more than any lectures on stress management.

It is rather unfortunate that in our society, the mother does not get the recognition due to her outside the four walls of the house. While a father’s name is required to be mentioned almost everywhere, there is seldom a space provided for a mother’s name. Having taken much more pains in rearing a child, I feel our system commits a sacrilege against the creation and the creator by failing to acknowledge the mother. God could not be everywhere, they say, so He created mother. While I get visibly perturbed on this issue, my wife often remains at peace and seldom joins in, in any gender equality debate. 

And so, when Manushi Chillar asserted that a mother deserves the highest respect and her job deserves the highest salary, I believed she truly deserved to be Miss World.