Money advisers & ‘dhania’ garnish!

Sudhansu Mohanty

Sudhansu Mohanty

Looking back, I guess there are two assignments in Indian babudom that are most reviled — audit and finance. Our genteel government ecosystem puns, even demonises them. From abominable no-men and canny road-blockers, they are seen as sultans of all ills.

If audit is post-transactional, financial advice precedes it. Following the promulgation of delegation of financial powers to defence services, there was a howl of protests from all quarters. The order was asinine and regressive. On the pretext of greater financial delegation, it concentrated more power in financial advisers (FAs).

It was late evening, when free from the hubbub of official meetings and file-pushing, I turned my attention to perusing the incoming correspondences. I always placed great credence on mails; they mirrored the office’s efficiency, and like the village dhobi-ghat, presented a bespoke model of organisational wellness. An outsized demi-official letter of seven-eight pages caught my attention. It was from one of the Commandants of a super-specialty defence hospital. With loads of patients, wards, OPDs, and OTs, the Commandant’s hands were full. And now sat on my table his cup of woes!

I read the letter with bemused curiosity. The issue had been marinated with a sense of hurt, even injured pride. I felt gutted as I read on. Running a hospital isn’t easy, he wrote, seeking my help to provide quality healthcare. I vividly recall his impassioned pleadings; how the state of affairs is analogous to a husband increasing the money given to his wife for household expenses by 10 times, with the caveat that before buying anything no matter however small, she is to take his concurrence first: if a husband permits his wife to buy potatoes, she can buy the same, but if she wants dhania to garnish vegetables, she must first take his concurrence to buy it!

A thought rose in my head, likening FAs to typical Indian husbands — patriarchal, supremacist, and misogynist! We did our part, ridding the mulish anomalies in quick time, and letting dhania garnish potatoes!

Regardless of the moniker of nattering nabobs of negativity peddled by incandescent smart alecs, financial advice isn’t as easy as often made out. No small beer either, as one senior officer realised in a single-tender case: the cost is competitive and economical, and may be concurred, said the note. I felt stumped. Surreal, my mind abuzz at the curveball, I wrote: ‘The proposal could be economical, but how on earth could a single-tender be competitive!’ The file came back to me with oodles of apologies and masochistic shame.

What though has colonised my mind is how nimbly we get suckered into spending taxpayers’ money vis-à-vis one’s own!

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