Giving wings to their dreams

Aditi Garg

Traditionally, parents have been supportive of their kids and their career choices, as long as their choice was to opt for a traditional stream like a becoming a doctor, engineer or a civil servant. Music, dancing and fine arts were all good choices as hobbies or for girls to pursue till they ‘settled’ down in matrimony, but for a serious career choice, these and many other unusual career options that did not come with the assurance of a steady job were a big no. While the perceived security that these jobs bring is still much desired, there is a definite shift towards letting children think and choose for themselves. Parents are coming around to the fact that a changing world requires changing attitudes and their children have aspirations that may not coincide with their own. 

What is the most valued thing in life — money, success, fame? Whatever you choose, it should bring happiness. Being happy without nurturing ambitious academic dreams is alright and a lot of adolescents are making it a life choice. 

Ditch the drama 

Educated parents are letting their kids not focus too much on academics and put their heart and soul into their dreams. Harjot Jaidka, a technical advisor with World Bank, might have momentarily thought it better for her son, Jayesh, to pursue engineering but not for long. She says, “Jayesh has always been a go getter and very independent. Once you see the dedication which he puts into anything he does, you can’t think of not supporting his plans.” 

Jayesh, who had been preparing for an engineering degree abroad, wanted to shift to theatre.  An alumnus of Ramjas College, Delhi, he not only cleared the exams to get into the theatre circle in Delhi but also lost 35 kg weight. Jayesh has done TV ads for many major brands like: Airtel 4G, Hotstar and Vodafone d2h and some print ads for Yamaha and Skype. He has worked in many short videos for brands like TVF (the viral fever videos) and NDTV Good Times. With the money saved from his modelling and acting assignments, he bought his own equipment to indulge in his real passion of making films. It's reflected in the two short films that he has scripted, directed, edited and acted in, all before he has even finished college. His second film Crazy Daisy revolves around two prisoners and their beliefs about society. Released on YouTube in mid-July, the film got more than 1,200 views in just initial three-four days. An acting school in New York beckons this spirited youngster whose parents' support has given him wings to conquer the sky.

Dancing to your own tune

If parents have now opened up to offbeat careers, there were a few parents who, years ago, gave  freedom to their kids to make independent choices in life. Ashish Nagpal from Delhi has been a DJ for the last 15 years. Those were times when DJs were unheard of and to think of permitting your child to take it up as a profession would have been tough indeed. He says, “I was lucky to have parents who were very supportive at a time when it was not even popular. As a child, I was a percussionist and had an inherent talent for music. But being unsure, I did my graduation and MBA, while DJing at night. Despite the gruelling schedule, I was happy juggling the two. Without any resistance from the home front, I have finally made it to a point where people know me and I can do my own thing.” Younger brother Girish is a theatre artist in Mumbai, which just goes to show how family atmosphere and acceptance help talent grow. 

Freedom to dream

Behind every successful individual, there are parents who never doubted their child’s dreams, not helicopter parents who would not trust them to do anything right on their own. By letting your children think for themselves you give them an important life lesson, the privilege of learning from their own mistakes.  While still in college pursuing B.Com, Angel Goel from Panchkula fell in love with baking. A year and a half later, with more formal training, she has set her heart on being a professional baker and confectioner. This would not have been possible without the support of her parents. Her father says, “We have never pushed our children into anything and it is only when they listen to their heart that they do their best. Kids these days are smart and what Angel has chosen to do is probably a much better option for her than commerce.”

Show and tell

However, shifting the onus of permitting children to do what they want is not fully appropriate. Adolescents, who are adamant about a career choice which their parents may not be keen on, need to figure out a way to convince them about their sincerity. It is up to them to exhibit ample dedication, aptitude and passion, while also explaining what they plan to do with it in future. When parents are satisfied that their children will be happy and not be deprived of the comforts of life, they will have no reason to disagree. 

Parents from traditional backgrounds may have some trouble understanding a career that sounds more like a tall tale, but those who have complete trust in their children rise above their own inhibitions and let their children be. Sharad Dabra from Chandigarh is a graffiti artist and the founder of SD Fine Arts. With no one in the family from an arts background, he still found encouragement from his parents once he showed them what he was capable of. Initially having chosen the time-tested route of engineering, he accidentally discovered his love for sketching.  He says, “I was always good at drawing but it was when a senior showed me his sketches that I realised how much better I was. I took up portraits and appreciation poured in. As I got better, orders became bigger and four years into starting it, I was getting paid roughly as much as an engineer. It gave me the courage to give up a well paying job with an MNC within a fortnight. My company now offers around seven categories of art, including pencil and charcoal sketches, oils and coffee paintings. When I first took up the artwork of a cafe in Jodhpur, my parents understood my urge. This was possible only because art for me was not a crush that changed with time but a constant, like love.”

Small town, big aspirations

With the extensive internet reach, big dreams are reaching even the smallest towns. Simar Bedi from Rishikesh decided to pursue journalism, with the approval of her parents. She credits her parent’s belief in her and in her approach to her career.  Her mother Avneet Kaur says, “I have three children and they all followed their dreams and have never let us down. My other daughter is a flight attendant with Jet Airways. When my children are happy, so am I.”

Expert insight

Dr Shelja Sen, Child and Adolescent Psychologist &Family Therapist, has written the book All you Need is Love, The Art of Mindful Parenting. The cover of her book sums up her viewpoint ‘I accept and love you the way you are. You are unique, you are different and you are you.’ She feels, “There is definitely a higher level of awareness among parents and in schools. Parents are realising through their own experiences and looking at the world that choices are unlimited. Most schools have career counselling where children are guided towards the right career according to their aptitude. There is a greater realisation that at the end of the day the mark of success is not being a doctor, engineer or lawyer but doing something that you are passionate about. Diverse fields like designing, deep-sea diving; being a chef, opening a bakery etc. might have been unheard of earlier but are becoming quite sought after careers.”

Do what you love

A study by Dr Daniel Heller of Tel Aviv University, Israel, and Dr Shoshana Riza of the London School of Economics, UK, studied the role of calling and ability in the pursuit of a challenging career; whether to follow your heart or your head. The 11-year study followed 450 amateur high-school musicians from adolescence.It found that regardless of the musical ability, those with stronger early callings or more passion perceived their abilities to be better, making them take up music professionally.

Undergraduate curriculum coordinator Dr Andrea Weber at West Virginia University says students making career choices are so fixated on what a degree will give them in monetary or other terms that they forget that college is supposed to a foundation common to all career paths. She says while it in not possible to plan for the entire trajectory of a career, we can focus on what we enjoy and put our energy there.