Do you have the (he)art to hear?

Jappreet Sethi

Feedback is a gift; however, many see it as a burden or threat to their existence or work. One of the critical competencies of leadership and personal growth is the ability to take the feedback positively. Mostly, we mistake this ability as a sign of weakness, nothing can be further from the truth. The ability to receive feedback is a sign of courage and strength.

Don’t get emotional

When receiving feedback, people need to be able to respond objectively, this can be a challenge for many,  especially if they feel threatened, insecure or unappreciated. Some find it difficult to admit their mistakes. Personal reactions come across as a defensive response, disbelief, argument, disengagement or disappointment to the other party.

You may need to recognise these and other unproductive reactions, to grow in your career, you would need to learn how to set aside your personal responses so that you can listen without making an emotional response.

Open minded approach

Another common barrier to taking in feedback is closed-mindedness. For many reasons, you may not be open to or interested in hearing others’ perspectives. This is  especially true in situations where one is expected to change the status quo or present something one disagrees with. In these cases, you may need coaching to consider what you hear, rather than reacting to it.

The whole purpose is to understand what the other person has said — not to explain it all to elaborate on reasons for it. Once you have heard and acknowledged the feedback, the next step is to thank the speaker for giving it.

Part of accepting the feedback is for the individual to recognise when they have made a mistake or acted in an unacceptable manner. However, many find it difficult to apologise when their actions have offended or created difficulties for others. More often than not, we tend to offer conditional apologies, it’s best to avoid statements like “I am sorry, but….”. As a general rule, apologies are most effective when they are short, specific and sincere.

Hear first, react later

Only after you have received the feedback and acknowledged it, should you look at the appropriateness of the input. This has to be done calmly and objectively. You need to learn the art of sharing alternative perspectives in a way that makes sense to shows appreciation for the person who gave the feedback. 

As a recipient of feedback, what you understand and believe has to be balanced with the viewpoint of the other person. Denying the others’ reality will only create additional conflict or disagreement.

By using these pointers, we hope that you can see your actions from the eyes of others and take steps to build a persona that is integrated with your ecosystem. 

Mind you, this is a not an easy journey, when you start you will face disappointment and rejection, continue on the journey irrespective so that you can hone your ability to take feedback.

Step-up

Here are the critical steps that you can use to accept feedback as a gift.

• Listen carefully to what is being said
• Stay calm and be objective
• Acknowledge and clarify what you have heard. 

Thank the speaker for the feedback

• Check, if you need to share your viewpoint at all if so do so in a respectful and subtle manner.
• Evaluate, whether it will be helpful to apologise, and if so, do in a short, specific and sincere manner.
• Think and make a decision about what to do in response to the feedback. Take appropriate action as a result of the feedback.

— The writer is an HR & Strategy consultant (www.humanresourcesblog.in)