Down and out, online

Olivia Petter

It is a truth universally acknowledged that break-ups are no picnic for dumper nor dumpee, but today, the politics of ending a relationship have never been more complex. Thanks to the myriad platforms on which we can connect with one another, breaking up with someone is a whole different ball game to what is was in a pre-social media age.

Gone are the days when a simple “goodbye” and a pallid exchanging of belongings could be understood as a final farewell. The people we choose to connect with on social media become a permanent part of our social tapestry — and yes, that typically includes romantic partners and exes-to-be. You might have sent them packing in person, real-life sad faces in tow, but it’s only a matter of time until a candid shot of their breakfast pops up on your Instagram feed. How does one deal with this? Delete, unfollow, block... or none of the above?

Like with most post-break-up navigations, the murky matter of how you tackle social media ties largely depends on how the relationship ended, explains dating psychologist Madeleine Mason. For exes who part amicably and choose to remain friends, dating coach James Preece says it’s perfectly fine to keep an ex-partner in your social media circle. It’s crucial to be honest with yourself in this circumstance, Mason adds, who advises opting for the solid unfollow if you’re simply going to waste away the wee hours stalking your ex’s holiday snaps or checking their “last seen” time on WhatsApp.

If you choose to maintain digital ties, yet another conundrum arises: how engaged should you be with their social profile, if at all? In other words, is it inappropriate to comment, screenshot and like to your heart’s delight? “The best thing is not to act too quickly as once it’s done it's hard to go back,” explains Preece. “Leave it for at least a week before you do anything.” Acting impulsively never helped anyone, at least not where push notifications are concerned.

— The Independent