Can we stop ordering her about?

Ritu Kamra Kumar

A baby girl is a bundle of joy. As a youngster, unrestricted and uninhibited she wants to fly. Yet, she is conditioned to limit herself — not to be expressive, not to be assertive, follow norms set by socially constructed myths. Why is a woman always seen as a victim or an object?

The recent video of an enraged middle-aged woman trying to shame younger women in short dresses and asking men to rape them reflects a regressive approach of society, dictating women what to wear, where to go. It is not about an individual’s objection to the choice of dress worn by some girls, but about the whole social edifice which represses them. Since childhood, women are raised with preconceived notions of their parents, family and society’s dos and don’ts. 

We all are from diverse backgrounds, irrespective of our cultures and societies. The other day in the park, I overheard the conversation of some women criticising their daughters-in-law for not wearing dupatta. We all breathe in the air of androcentrism, the system that positions the male in the centre of the universe, sidelining the female counterpart. Our behaviour, thoughts and mindsets, all are patriarchal in every possible way. Be it our daughters or daughters-in-laws, restricting them in the name of protectiveness or circumscribing limits for the gender — expecting a particular behaviour that defines what’s acceptable and what’s not — our minds are confined in staunch walls of orthodoxy. We are centuries behind our times. That girls  who wear short dresses and bare legs mean to send an invitation to sexual assault is the Victorian aunt’s distorted perspective, who herself is vulnerable as a woman because social media snubbed her outright, shaming her for her demeaning comment. Eventually she was forced to apologise. Her myopic behaviour is one of the ways patriarchy sustains itself by making women victimise other women. Women are often complicit, blindly following the dictates of men, who are sovereign beings. 

Actually the problem is that we have stereotyped the image of woman in general in our subconscious. Stereotyping how a woman should look, act and express herself;  what kind of jobs she can do; what her duties are, as a ‘good’ wife, mother and daughter. Furthermore, her basic role is to procreate. On that basis she is judged by the populace. 

We have created a box and then want a woman to be put into that box. If she doesn’t fit into the box, we label her as shameless and imperfect. We talk about progressive thinking; beti bachao, beti padhao; selfie with daughter, Samridhi bank account, etc., but still we don’t accept her wearing a dress of her choice. This is the sad reality of a woman’s life. Aren’t we repressive in our approach? What about the often-talked vision of an equal society?